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Are you still bored? Part – II

Marriage

Gay Marriage

Here is an update to my original post titled “Are you bored?“…

Let me guess. You are Bored. Let boredom bother you no longer with these free educational courses available online. If you find yourself saying that you are bored or overhear someone say that they are, here
slap them, and then point them henceforth:

Are you still Bored?

Prop 8 Closing Arguments Live Blogging via Prop 8 Trial Trackers

Take a look at the Live BLogging of the Closing Arguments for the Proposition 8 trial via Prop 8 Trial Tracker.  I have been very patiently waiting for this day.

You can find my previous comments on the Prop 8 atrocity them here if you are curious.

“Why I finally joined a church” – a Salon article

If any of these links are not dead, internist need correcting, pilule or if you have recommendations please let me know.

In Support of Esperanto

More Casual

More Technical or Indepth

Text Based

Learning Tools (In English)

In Esperanto

In English

Audio (in Esperanto)

Video

Products In or About Esperanto

Social Networking and Translators

Software Support for Esperanto

Software

Flash Card

User Interface Language Support for Esperanto

  • Drupal: is available in Esperanto (an open source content management system)
  • European Union Website: is in Esperanto
  • Firefox – an open source and free browser – which ‘Totally roxors my boxors!!’
  • Gimp – an open source and image editing software for Linux
  • Google’s Interface is available as a language and you can specifically search Esperanto only sites.
  • GNU Esperanto Translation Team: looking for help in translating part of their website into Esperanto
  • Ubuntu – an open source and Linux Distro
  • Wikipedia: is available in Esperanto (an online encyclopedia)
  • WordPress: is available in Esperanto (an open source content management system)

Organizations

Custom Search Engine

Esperanto Travel

Nay Sayers

Here is an interesting article titled “Why I finally joined a church” on Salon about why a family finally joined a church after not having gone for so many years, Gastritis
and why they chose a Unitarian Universalist church.

NYT – “Human Culture, an Evolutionary Force”

This is by no means complete or the end-all-be-all of polyamory tutorials or introductions, sale since it is such a diverse lifestyle that you could not really hope to encompass it all in one readable page, but this should give you a good starting point from which you can do your own research and form your own opinions. Good luck and enjoy.

Infinite Heart

Sections

About Polyamory

This is a broad overview of polyamory from compersion, jealousy, and relationship agreements with a helpful list of references and definitions.

Polyamory: definition

Polyamory (or the more British spelling ‘polyamoury’) is also referred to as ‘responsible non-monogamy’ or just ‘poly’. It is the state of having, or being oriented to having, multiple concurrent intimate relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all concerned.

Polyamory does not necessarily imply that the relationships are sexual, but many times they are. Some poly relationships may be non-sexual (platonic) romances, with an intimate emotional, psychological, and/or intellectual connection beyond what would merely be called “friendship.”

Successful polyamorous relationships generally require a high level of self-awareness, honesty (especially with oneself), introspection, self-security, and communication among all concerned. Polyamory is not for the faint of heart or wussies.

Origin of the Word

The word ‘polyamory‘ is derived from the Greek poly-, ‘many’, and the Latin amor, ‘love’. The word was invented independently in 1990 by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart (in the adjectival form ‘poly-amorous’) and in 1992 by Jennifer L. Wesp. (Reference: Polyamory Enters Oxford English Dictionary)

Forms of Polyamory

Poly relationships can take a wide variety of forms. A person may have two lovers who having only passing knowledge of each other, or lovers who are close friends, or lovers who are also romantically and sexually involved with each other (an “equilateral triad”). A married or otherwise life-bonded couple (‘primaries’) may have less-involved relationships with other lovers (‘secondaries’). The commonest poly formation is probably the ‘vee’ (three people with two of them not romantically involved); a vee may be called a “triad” if their lives are deeply intertwined, sex or no. A ‘full’ or ‘equilateral’ triad involves romantic relationships between all three — but the three relationships need not be ‘equal’. In fact, it is a piece of poly wisdom that no two relationships are exactly the same, and trying to force them to be equal is asking for trouble. Larger groups may be ‘quads’ of four with various degrees of interconnectedness, ‘quints’ of five, or ‘intimate networks’ of more people with more complicated geometry.

“The Poly Mantra”

Since the 1980s, and especially since the 1990s, the poly community has grown enormously and shared many hard-won, trial-and-error lessons within the community, both in person and, especially, online. The most often-cited lesson is the so-called poly mantra: “Communicate, communicate, communicate.

A habit of open and honest communication, experience has shown, is almost always required to enable everyone to understand what is going on with each other’s emotions and thoughts — and in the absence of such openness, problems in a poly group are almost guaranteed. Communicating your thoughts and emotions (positive and negative) sooner rather than later helps avert hard feelings and difficult situations, or forces them onto the table. Your partners cannot ‘read your mind‘ and will not ‘just understand or know‘; such romanticized ideals are quickly put aside by successful polyfolks. When a problem arises, be open, honest, calm, and understanding, and all may eventually work itself out. Some poly people and groups hold regular ‘family meetings’ to promote the early airing of nascent problems. If serious problems do not resolve, you might seek the help of a poly-friendly counselor. The books Radical Honesty, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and Nonviolent Communication may help give you perspective and effective communication tools.

Compersion or Frubble

‘Compersion’ (or the British ‘frubble’) is the state of feeling joy at the joy of another loved one, specifically, when applied in the poly context, is when a loved one is relating to another person intimately; such as a husband feeling joy at seeing or knowing that his wife is enjoying time with her new boyfriend.

Compersion is the complete opposite of jealousy. Compersion is a goal to which polyfolk often aspire in order to break negative cultural (and/or evolutionary) programming and increase their satisfaction and happiness in their poly relationships.

See Wikipedia’s Compersion article and A Crazy Little thing Called…

Relationship Agreements

Poly relationships are wide and varied in their form, assumptions, and ideologies. What one person takes for granted and assumes may not be true for the others in the relationship, so many find it useful to form a relationship agreement. These agreements, when done, are generally written, but can be completely oral; many are setup as a relationship contact that is agreed and signed by all so there are no misunderstandings. Relationship Agreements can be a very useful tool, especially to those that are new to poly, to help verbalize and work through their thoughts, assumptions, and ramifications of the agreement, as well as to solidify a joint definition of their relationship and acceptable practices.

It is important to remember that relationships are not static, especially poly relationships where people can come and go as time goes on, and you will need revisit this agreement, and bargain and change the agreement to reflect the change in the relationship and your needs. The document should be a living breathing extension of your relationship changing as much as you change.

The book Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts has some good info on this.

Adultery or Cheating

Polys define cheating as the breaking of a viceral agreement or understanding within the relationship. Most married or bonded couples have an agreement, either explicit or culturally implied, and most times includes not having sex with other people (i.e. sexual exclusivity). Polys have a wide variety of agreements and understandings (which, some believe, are best put in writing in order to prevent later confusion, evasion, or wishful thinking).

In sexual terms, cheating can be defined as engaging in an intimate relationship with an outside person without the consent and/or knowledge of your existing partner(s). This usually involves lying, deceiving, or omission of important facts. Cheating is antithetical to polyamory and is usually is as fatal to it as it would be to any relationship. Polyamory requires informed consent and knowledge from all parties involved — and, experience shows, consistently high integrity overall.

Adultery is a legal term referring to sex with an outside partner while married, and the word normally implies cheating. A more extensive treatise on adultery from the Christian perspective is handled in the book ‘Divine Sex‘ (see below).

Jealousy

Jealousy is the big ‘monster-in-the-closet‘ for many relationships regardless of their form. It is a special issue for polyamory, since participants have to face personal fears and insecurities (the roots of jealousy) that monogamous couple may mostly avoid. The righteousness of feeling jealous is supported by our culture in movies, cultural values, religion, and laws, but jealousy something that is learned and therefore can be unlearned. Many couples battle with it (in and outside of poly), and is a common reason for emotional turmoil and breakups in poly relationships, especially near the beginning. Defeating jealousy in your life may require a tremendous amount of soul searching, introspection, honesty, communication, as well as trust and faith in your relationships and partners.

See below for some sites that deal with this issue.

Marriage

Polyamory, in-and-of-itself, does not assume marriage is the goal or a desired outcome. Polyamory and Marriage, however, are not mutually exclusive either, since they both deal with relationships at various levels.

Polygamy is explicitly a type of marital state involving plural partners, whereas monogamy is explicitly a type of marital state involving single partners and that is it.

Polyamory is referring to an open and honest relationship model involving plural partners.

Polygamy is specific to marriage, whereas Polyamory is not. However, since marriage is a type of relationship and so is polyamory, they can and do meet.

Polyfidelity within polyamory could mirror a ‘traditional’ polygynous (MFFF) or polyandrous (FMMM) marriage exactly. You could have a polyamorous quad (MFMF) that is married polygamously via Group Marriage (polygamy). You could also have a Polygynous Quad (MFFF) that was polyamorous. You could even have a monogamous marriage that was polyamorous or more commonly – just an Open Marriage.

New Relationship Energy (NRE) or Limerence

NRE (resulting from limerence) is the honeymoon phase of the relationship when everything is new and exciting and brain chemicals keep you in a potentially blind emotional high. It typically lasts 6 months to 2 or 3 years. This ‘high‘ can have you doing things that you would not do while in a normal and objective frame of mind. When you are engaging in a new relationship you will want to guard yourself and your relationships from this as best you can. Enjoy the ride, but be careful.

Once the ‘love-struck‘ or ‘blinded-by-love‘ condition wears off some find themselves, in retrospect, having made bad decisions, hurting and neglecting those that they love and have committed themselves to. NRE can be seen as a sort of a not-so-short sickness that one has to deal with and monitor for fear of negatively impacting your other relationships with emotional and love-struck decisions.

See Wikipedia’s articles on New Relationship Energy (NRE) and Limerance.

Swinging

Swinging is not polyamory, and the difference is often a sore spot when poly people are speaking with non-polys about what polyamory is. Swinging is generally recreational sex with little emotional involvement. Swinging is typically done by couples attending special swing venues or parties together. Swinging communities often have rules, explicit or implied, against falling in love with others in your swing group.

Sometimes people who swing tire of sex for its own sake and wish for more personal and intimate connections. Two or more couples who swing together frequently may simply grow to become close life friends and/or desire more. In either case, people may find themselves drifting away from swinging and into the wonderful and challenging world of polyamory.

Conversely, polyamorists can be swingers too, happy to enjoy an occasional no-strings fling at a party or sex club. But the two circles tend to be different in terms of sociology, class, philosophy, and intellectual background. Many polys shun swinging because of negative connotation associated with it. The mainstream attitude is that swinging is wrong and immoral; the mainstream attitude toward polyamory is similar, but polys usually resist being stigmatized as caring only about sex.

A group could be an open triad with a relationship agreement stating that swinging is OK, and one or more of the participants engages in swinging. The triad relationship would still be polyamorous, but the relationship with the outside swinging partners would not necessaily be.

adultery or cheating
see the Adultery or Cheating section
closed
not open to new relationships; see polyfidelity
compersion
see the Compersion section
duogamy
a newer term I encountered that refers to a bisexual person maintaining relationships with 1 person of each gender with the belief that if the 2 relationships are with people of different genders and are mongamous with respect to the specific genders, then it is still ‘monogamy’. This might be kind of a transitional label or used to specifically deny or avoid the polyamorous label while still respecting their choice for a plural partner arrangement.
dyad
an intimate committed relationship with two people
golden unicorn
slang term for the bisexual female that is generally desired as a intimate and/or sexual partner for both members of a Dyad, most likely with the intent to form a Triad. In most cases this is for an established MF Dyad whose female is also bisexual.
group marriage
a subset of polygamy
a general term which refers to a marriage which includes more than one person of each gender. While polygamy, in current contexts. tends to have connotations that assume a main spouse of one gender and then multiple spouses of the other gender as in polyandry and polygygy (see below); group marriage generally connotates a marriage which includes more than one person of each gender which may be further defined as open or cloaed, etc…
HBB
and acronym meaning ‘Hot Bi(sexual) Babe’; see Golden Unicorn
Intentional Community
a community of people with shared values that live together and share various resources
see Wikipedia’s article on Intentional Communities
limerance
see the New Relationship Energy (NRE) section
monamorous
loving only one other person
monogamy
marrying only one other person
new relationship energy (NRE)
see the New Relationship Energy (NRE) section
open
an relationship formation that is open to intimacy from outside their primaries, such as an Open Dyad
open marriage
a marriage in which the spouses have agreed to have intimate partners outside their marriage
pod
within polyamory a pod has been described as ‘a committed network of lifelong intimate friends’. More generally a pod is a collection of people who are intimate at varying levels. Some may be permanent parts of each others lives like the primary/secondary arrangements or may be only part of the pod for small parts of times.
polyandry
a subset of polygamy
the state of a woman having more than one husband
polyandry, fraternal
a subset of polygamy
the state of a woman having more than one husband that are brothers related by blood
statistically, this is commonly the most successful form of polyandry
polyfidelity
polyfi‘ for short
a relationship with multiple committed partners that is closed to new intimate relationships
polygamy
the state of having more than one spouse
polygyny
a subset of polygamy
the state of a man having more than one wife
polygyny, sororal
a subset of polygamy
the state of a man having more than one wife that are sisters related by blood
statistically, this is commonly the most successful form of polygyny
primary
Refers to the most committed relationships, which are also most likely the most important relationships such as a husband, wife, life partner, or others whom a person has committed relationship with. The most time and energy is spent with a person’s primaries. Some do not like this terminology, but others find it fitting and precise.
quad
an intimate committed relationship with four people
romantic myths
Romantic socio-cultural beliefs that when stoically held onto may potentially hinder a person’s ability to find happiness in relationships. Their belief in these myths, may have them holding out for an impossible romantic ideal for a future partner or have unrealistic expectation for their current partners. Western Romantic Myths tend to reinforce the starvation model of love as well.
see starvation model of love and ‘the one’ for more information; there are links below on this topic
secondary
Refers to relationships that are secondary in importance, time, and/or resources, etc to their primary relationships, such as new girlfriend or long term casual long distance love. Some do not like this terminology, but others find it fitting and precise.
see: Successful Secondaries, Taking Care of Secondaries from Xero Mag
scarcity model of love
starvation model of love
starvation economy of love
Believing that love is limited and that if I love this one person romantically then I cannot love another romantically without loving less or not loving the first person. Love is limited and therefore I can only romantically love one person at a time. This seems to be at odds with our ability to love more than one parent, child, friend, etc. This phenomenon is greatly fed by the romantic myth of the ‘the one’ or ‘your one true love’, as well as by movies, literature, and our conservative laws and social views.
sex negative
The pervailing attitude of Western culture finds sexuality and all things sexual negative, sinful, guilt ridden, and distasteful. Sexuality is not something to open about or to enjoy, since it is only for species perpetuation – reproduction. It is something to be repressed and ignored unless necessary.
see Wikipedia’s article on Sex Negativity
sex positive
Sex positive people see their sexuality as a natural part of who we are and not afraid of or ashamed of enjoying it, or taking responsibility for their own satisfaction.
see Wikipedia’s article on the Sex Positive Movement or The Language of Sex Positivity (The Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality)
sexual dimorphism
Sexual Dimorphism is term from biology that refers to the size difference in the genders of a species. Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between the level of sexual dimorphism in a species to the level of monogamousness of a species. The greater the size difference the less monogamous a species is.
sexual monogamy
This comes from the world of biology and refers to the state of a creature that maintains a sexually monogamous relationship with one another mate, but this does not assume social monogamy. Generally a creature that is sexually monogamous will also be socially monogamous other wise there will not be much reproductive benefit.
social monogamy
This comes from the world of biology and refers to the state of a creature that concentrates on acquiring food, shelter, defense, etc for only one other mate. A socially monogamous creature can can be does not also have to be sexual monogamous. Socially monogamous creatures are often sexually polygamous (seeking sexual partners outside their primary partner). There is only a small percentage of creatures that are mostly socially and sexually monogamous.
squick
a psychological source of discomfort (see wickionary’s definition)
swinging
see the Swinging section
‘the one’
‘the one true love’
‘you complete me’
This view assumes that as soon as you have met ‘the one’ that you cannot and will not love another, and that you will need no one or anything else because this one person will fulfill you in all ways. You will also find no other people physically, sexually, intellectually, or emotionally attractive or desireable. This is one of the most destructive romantic myths in Western culture by putting the responsibility for your happiness in someone else, and not yourself.
triad
an intimate committed relationship with three people
tribe
intimate network
pod
a set of words to describe the collection of poly and/or potentially non-poly people having relationships with poly people. Each word has its own set of connotations and nuances depending on the group.
trouple
A trouple is 3 people involved in a romantic relationship; whereas two people in a romantic relationship are referred to as a ‘couple’. a dyad that is dating a third would be referred to as a trouple.
v
a relationship form where there is a single person (at the V’s hinge) to which both other members are sexually intimate with and are not intimate with each other, which is a typical formation for a FMF or MFM triad

More Terms and Definitions

References and Resources

Articles (Individual)

Audio and Video

Books About Polyamory

Discussion Groups, Meetings, Mailing Lists

Many of the sites mentioned through out this article have forums as well. You will most likely want to search for a group that is local to you as well. Many major cities have poly lists, meetings, and support groups.

Sites, Organizations, and Professionals

Meeting Poly Partners or Social Networking

Fiction Books, Movies, Songs, etc That Include Polyamory

I cannot vouch for any of these. I am merely collecting what others have said. =) Heinlein seems to be the big-man on campus for books.

Polyamory Related Books @ Polychromatic

Poly in Non-Fiction, Fiction, Movies, Songs, Comics/Graphic Novels

Books
  • Diane Duane (more of a young adult book series)
    • The Door into Shadow
    • The Door into Fire
  • John Varley
    • Demon
    • Wizard
    • Gaia
    • The Ophuichi Hotline
    • Steel Beach
    • The Golden Globe
  • Marion Zimmer Bradley
  • The Spell Sword/Forbidden Tower series
  • Robert Heinlein
    • Stranger in a Strange Land
    • The Moon is a Harsh Mistress
    • Time Enough for Love
      I Will Fear No Evil (Though the book kinda sucks)
    • The Number of the Beast
    • Friday
    • The Cat Who Walks Through Walls
    • To Sail Beyond the Sunset
  • Robert Rimmer
    • The Herrad Experiment ( it is a movie also?)
  • Spider Robinson
    • Callahan’s Lady
    • Lady Slings the Booze
  • Music
    • Abba, “Two For the Price of One”
    • Joan Armatrading, “The Weakness in Me”
    • Baba Yaga, “Monogamy Shpedogamy”
    • Joan Baez, “Little Darlin'”
    • Barenaked Ladies, “Alternative Girlfriend”
    • William Bell, “Trying to Love Two”
    • Belle and Sebastian, Seeing Other People”
    • Christopher Bingham, “Family”
    • Chris de Burgh, “More Than This”
    • Patsy Cline, “Triangle”
    • Leonard Cohen, “The Sisters of Mercy”
    • David Crosby, Jefferson Airplane, “Triad”
    • Devo, “Happy Guy”
    • Melissa Ethridge, “Unusual Kiss”
    • Gaia’s Consort, “Move to the Country”
    • P.J. Harvey, “Oh My Lover”
    • Veda Hille, “Three”
    • Jane’s Addiction, “Three Days”
    • Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, “The French Song”
    • Olivia Newton John, “Culture Shock”
    • Howard Jones, “No One is to Blame”
    • King Crimson, “Man With an Open Heart”
    • Lamyas, “Empires”
    • Christine Lavin, “Don’t Ever Call Your Sweetheart By His Name” ma
    • Lovin Spoonful, “Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind”
    • Deidre McCalla, “Don’t Doubt It”
    • Mary MacGregor, “Torn Between Two Lovers”
    • Joni Mitchell, “Cactus Tree”
    • Joni Mitchell, “Coyote”
    • Mondo Vita, “Four Way Stop”
    • The Monks, “Love in Stereo”
    • Morrissey, “My Love Life”
    • The Muppets, “We Got Us”
    • Michael Nesmith, “Different Drum”
    • New Order, “Bizarre Love Triangle”
    • The Police, “Tea in the Sahara”
    • Prince, Cyndi Lauper, “When U Were Mine”
    • John Prine, “Let’s Invite Them Over”
    • Restless Heart, “Why Does It Have to Be”
    • The Roches, “You’re the Two”
    • Betsy Rose, “Room for You”
    • Bessie and Clara Smith, “My Man Blues”
    • Scarlett, “Independent Love Song”
    • Sisters of Mercy, “More”
    • Jill Sobule, “I Kissed a Girl”
    • Type-O-Negative, “My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend”
    • Roger Whittaker, “Isabel and Caroline”
    • Breaking Benjamin, “Polyamorous”
    • Dave Matthews Band “Say Goodbye”
    • Power Tool: “Two Heads Are Better Than One” (On the Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure soundtrack.)
    • Crosby, Stills, and Nash “Love The One You’re With”
    • Must Be Tuesday – My Boyfriend’s Girlfriend Isn’t Me

    Here is a very interesting article in the New York Times article titled “Human Culture, check an Evolutionary Force“

    GPI’s waste-to-fuel process validated by U.S. military

    For a couple of years, unhealthy  Green Power, heart Inc (GPI) has had a 100 ton per day model plant in Pasco, Washington that turns municipal solid waste (MSW) and other like feedstock such as biomass into high grade fuel.  This technology enables the replacement of limited, fossil-based oil with fuel that comes from garbage, which can be thought of as a form of free, sustainable energy, because as long as there are people on the planet, there will be waste.  What’s more, usually communities pay to get rid of it, so it is a cash-generating feedstock that with GPI’s technology produces a cash-generating product, self-powered by the process as well. …

    GPI‘s waste-to-fuel process validated by U.S. military (Examiner.com, 19 Feb 2010)

    If this lives up to any of its claim, then all I can say is: Wow! US municipalities need to jump on this!

    Proposition 8 Trial Tracker Website

    Here is a link to a live blog detailing the happenings at the Proposition 8 trial: Proposition 8 Trial Tracker BLog from the Courage Campaign.

    Read it and get involved. This is one of the most important civil rights issues of our time.

    Uganda’s Death Sentence Legislation for LGBT Peoples and the “Christians” Who Counseled Them Towards This End

    Read about it and you be the judge:

    Contact your legislators via HRC to let them know that this is not acceptable anywhere in the world.

    I know what I am about to write here is bitterly sarcastic and angry… but here it is anyhow:

    Congrats Scott Lively, Don Schmierer and Caleb Lee Brundidge! This must be a proud moment for you and your Fundamentalist Christian community. Bravo! Bravo! You have worked hard spreading ignorance and lies to ensure the deaths of more people. How proud you must be to know that you will soon have the potential death of many vile homo’s on your hands. Your “Godly” works are now responsible for promoting another tyrannical and oppressive regime like Iran and China where human rights are only a convenience for the state to play with and not a human right. I hope you enjoyed the participatory process in bringing about such stellar and model Christian legislation.

    Finally, a Republican with his head on his shoulders – Theodore Olson

    This article in Newsweek titled “The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage
    Why same-sex marriage is an American value
    ” is written by Theodore Olson who is a prominent Republican lawyer that served under Bush and Reagan during their presidential administrations. He, drug along with David Boies, a prominent liberal lawyer, have taken it upon themselves to overturn Proposition 8 all the way to the Supreme Court.

    This article states his reasons for taking up the Gay Marriage case with hopes of ending the discrimination and injustice in this country. The Republican party has been struggling with their identity and have been trying to find themselves again. I think that they should take up with Mr. Olson to find out where to go – Freedom, Justice, and Family and not persecutive religious dogmatic status quo’ism.

    Please take the time to read his view point. It is very compelling. And if you are really bored you can read my scrawlings on the gay marriage issue too.

    Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature

    Here is a 5 page Psychology Today article titled Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature that follows very closely what I have read in the book about Evolutionary Psychology titled Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters. Evolutionary Psychology is very interesting as always.

    The New God of Nuclear Energy is….. Thor?

    If any of these links are not dead, sick need correcting, or if you have recommendations please let me know.

    In Support of Esperanto

    More Casual

    More Technical or Indepth

    Text Based

    Learning Tools (In English)

    In Esperanto

    In English

    Audio (in Esperanto)

    Video

    Products In or About Esperanto

    Social Networking and Translators

    Software Support for Esperanto

    Software

    Flash Card

    User Interface Language Support for Esperanto

    • Drupal: is available in Esperanto (an open source content management system)
    • European Union Website: is in Esperanto
    • Firefox – an open source and free browser – which ‘Totally roxors my boxors!!’
    • Gimp – an open source and image editing software for Linux
    • Google’s Interface is available as a language and you can specifically search Esperanto only sites.
    • GNU Esperanto Translation Team: looking for help in translating part of their website into Esperanto
    • Ubuntu – an open source and Linux Distro
    • Wikipedia: is available in Esperanto (an online encyclopedia)
    • WordPress: is available in Esperanto (an open source content management system)

    Organizations

    Custom Search Engine

    Esperanto Travel

    Nay Sayers

    Thorium, surgery
    which was abandoned in favor of Uranium due to its production of nuclear grade Plutonium, information pills
    is now working to be the Green Nuclear Fuel of Choice.

    Uranium Is So Last Century — Enter Thorium, the New Green Nuke

    Long live our new Thorium overlords.

    Atheists Banned From Public Office in 7 State Constitutions

    I originally published this on Google’s Knol quite a while ago. Some have liked what is written here, story some have not. I did have a little help with this, so it is not solely my work.Since my original article this has undergone quite a few changes, reorganizations, and additions so it is a little bit different than the original.

    This is by no means complete or the end-all-be-all of polyamory tutorials or introductions, since it is such a diverse lifestyle that you could not really hope to encompass it all in one readable page, but this should give you a good starting point from which you can do your own research and form your own opinions. Good luck and enjoy.

    Sections

    Infinite Heart

    Infinite Heart

    Dr. Ludwig Lazarus Zamenhof

    About Polyamory

    This is a broad overview of polyamory from compersion, jealousy, and relationship agreements with a helpful list of references and definitions.

    Polyamory: definition

    Polyamory (or the more British spelling ‘polyamoury’) is also referred to as ‘responsible non-monogamy’ or just ‘poly’. It is the state of having, or being oriented to having, multiple concurrent intimate relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all concerned.

    Polyamory does not necessarily imply that the relationships are sexual, but many times they are. Some poly relationships may be non-sexual (platonic) romances, with an intimate emotional, psychological, and/or intellectual connection beyond what would merely be called “friendship.”

    Successful polyamorous relationships generally require a high level of self-awareness, honesty (especially with oneself), introspection, self-security, and communication among all concerned. Polyamory is not for the faint of heart or wussies.

    Origin of the Word

    The word ‘polyamory‘ is derived from the Greek poly-, ‘many’, and the Latin amor, ‘love’. The word was invented independently in 1990 by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart (in the adjectival form ‘poly-amorous’) and in 1992 by Jennifer L. Wesp. (Reference: Polyamory Enters Oxford English Dictionary)

    Forms of Polyamory

    Poly relationships can take a wide variety of forms. A person may have two lovers who having only passing knowledge of each other, or lovers who are close friends, or lovers who are also romantically and sexually involved with each other (an “equilateral triad”). A married or otherwise life-bonded couple (‘primaries’) may have less-involved relationships with other lovers (‘secondaries’). The commonest poly formation is probably the ‘vee’ (three people with two of them not romantically involved); a vee may be called a “triad” if their lives are deeply intertwined, sex or no. A ‘full’ or ‘equilateral’ triad involves romantic relationships between all three — but the three relationships need not be ‘equal’. In fact, it is a piece of poly wisdom that no two relationships are exactly the same, and trying to force them to be equal is asking for trouble. Larger groups may be ‘quads’ of four with various degrees of interconnectedness, ‘quints’ of five, or ‘intimate networks’ of more people with more complicated geometry.

    “The Poly Mantra”

    Since the 1980s, and especially since the 1990s, the poly community has grown enormously and shared many hard-won, trial-and-error lessons within the community, both in person and, especially, online. The most often-cited lesson is the so-called poly mantra: “Communicate, communicate, communicate.

    A habit of open and honest communication, experience has shown, is almost always required to enable everyone to understand what is going on with each other’s emotions and thoughts — and in the absence of such openness, problems in a poly group are almost guaranteed. Communicating your thoughts and emotions (positive and negative) sooner rather than later helps avert hard feelings and difficult situations, or forces them onto the table. Your partners cannot ‘read your mind‘ and will not ‘just understand or know‘; such romanticized ideals are quickly put aside by successful polyfolks. When a problem arises, be open, honest, calm, and understanding, and all may eventually work itself out. Some poly people and groups hold regular ‘family meetings’ to promote the early airing of nascent problems. If serious problems do not resolve, you might seek the help of a poly-friendly counselor. The books Radical Honesty, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and Nonviolent Communication may help give you perspective and effective communication tools.

    Compersion or Frubble

    ‘Compersion’ (or the British ‘frubble’) is the state of feeling joy at the joy of another loved one, specifically, when applied in the poly context, is when a loved one is relating to another person intimately; such as a husband feeling joy at seeing or knowing that his wife is enjoying time with her new boyfriend.

    Compersion is the complete opposite of jealousy. Compersion is a goal to which polyfolk often aspire in order to break negative cultural (and/or evolutionary) programming and increase their satisfaction and happiness in their poly relationships.

    See Wikipedia’s Compersion article and A Crazy Little thing Called…

    Relationship Agreements

    Poly relationships are wide and varied in their form, assumptions, and ideologies. What one person takes for granted and assumes may not be true for the others in the relationship, so many find it useful to form a relationship agreement. These agreements, when done, are generally written, but can be completely oral; many are setup as a relationship contact that is agreed and signed by all so there are no misunderstandings. Relationship Agreements can be a very useful tool, especially to those that are new to poly, to help verbalize and work through their thoughts, assumptions, and ramifications of the agreement, as well as to solidify a joint definition of their relationship and acceptable practices.

    It is important to remember that relationships are not static, especially poly relationships where people can come and go as time goes on, and you will need revisit this agreement, and bargain and change the agreement to reflect the change in the relationship and your needs. The document should be a living breathing extension of your relationship changing as much as you change.

    The book Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts has some good info on this.

    Adultery or Cheating

    Polys define cheating as the breaking of an viceral agreement or understanding within the relationship. Most married or bonded couples have an agreement, either explicit or culturally implied, and most times includes not having sex with other people (i.e. sexual exclusivity). Polys have a wide variety of agreements and understandings (which, some believe, are best put in writing in order to prevent later confusion, evasion, or wishful thinking).

    In sexual terms, cheating can be defined as engaging in an intimate relationship with an outside person without the consent and/or knowledge of your existing partner(s). This usually involves lying, deceiving, or omission of important facts. Cheating is antithetical to polyamory and is usually is as fatal to it as it would be to any relationship. Polyamory requires informed consent and knowledge from all parties involved — and, experience shows, consistently high integrity overall.

    Adultery is a legal term referring to sex with an outside partner while married, and the word normally implies cheating. A more extensive treatise on adultery from the Christian perspective is handled in the book ‘Divine Sex‘ (see below).

    Jealousy

    Jealousy is the big ‘monster-in-the-closet‘ for many relationships regardless of their form. It is a special issue for polyamory, since participants have to face personal fears and insecurities (the roots of jealousy) that monogamous couple may mostly avoid. The righteousness of feeling jealous is supported by our culture in movies, cultural values, religion, and laws, but jealousy something that is learned and therefore can be unlearned. Many couples battle with it (in and outside of poly), and is a common reason for emotional turmoil and breakups in poly relationships, especially near the beginning. Defeating jealousy in your life may require a tremendous amount of soul searching, introspection, honesty, communication, as well as trust and faith in your relationships and partners.

    See below for some sites that deal with this issue.

    Marriage

    Polyamory, in-and-of-itself, does not assume marriage is the goal or a desired outcome. Polyamory and Marriage, however, are not mutually exclusive either, since they both deal with relationships at various levels.

    Polygamy is explicitly a type of marital state involving plural partners, whereas monogamy is explicitly a type of marital state involving single partners and that is it.

    Polyamory is referring to an open and honest relationship model involving plural partners.

    Polygamy is specific to marriage, whereas Polyamory is not. However, since marriage is a type of relationship and so is polyamory, they can and do meet.

    Polyfidelity within polyamory could mirror a ‘traditional’ polygynous (MFFF) or polyandrous (FMMM) marriage exactly. You could have a polyamorous quad (MFMF) that is married polygamously via Group Marriage (polygamy). You could also have a Polygynous Quad (MFFF) that was polyamorous. You could even have a monogamous marriage that was polyamorous or more commonly – just an Open Marriage.

    New Relationship Energy (NRE) or Limerence

    NRE (resulting from limerence) is the honeymoon phase of the relationship when everything is new and exciting and brain chemicals keep you in a potentially blind emotional high. It typically lasts 6 months to 2 or 3 years. This ‘high‘ can have you doing things that you would not do while in a normal and objective frame of mind. When you are engaging in a new relationship you will want to guard yourself and your relationships from this as best you can. Enjoy the ride, but be careful.

    Once the ‘love-struck‘ or ‘blinded-by-love‘ condition wears off some find themselves, in retrospect, having made bad decisions, hurting and neglecting those that they love and have committed themselves to. NRE can be seen as a sort of a not-so-short sickness that one has to deal with and monitor for fear of negatively impacting your other relationships with emotional and love-struck decisions.

    See Wikipedia’s articles on New Relationship Energy (NRE) and Limerance.

    Swinging

    Swinging is not polyamory, and the difference is often a sore spot when poly people are speaking with non-polys about what polyamory is. Swinging is generally recreational sex with little emotional involvement. Swinging is typically done by couples attending special swing venues or parties together. Swinging communities often have rules, explicit or implied, against falling in love with others in your swing group.

    Sometimes people who swing tire of sex for its own sake and wish for more personal and intimate connections. Two or more couples who swing together frequently may simply grow to become close life friends and/or desire more. In either case, people may find themselves drifting away from swinging and into the wonderful and challenging world of polyamory.

    Conversely, polyamorists can be swingers too, happy to enjoy an occasional no-strings fling at a party or sex club. But the two circles tend to be different in terms of sociology, class, philosophy, and intellectual background. Many polys shun swinging because of negative connotation associated with it. The mainstream attitude is that swinging is wrong and immoral; the mainstream attitude toward polyamory is similar, but polys usually resist being stigmatized as caring only about sex.

    A group could be an open triad with a relationship agreement stating that swinging is OK, and one or more of the participants engages in swinging. The triad relationship would still be polyamorous, but the relationship with the outside swinging partners would not necessaily be.

    adultery or cheating
    see the Adultery or Cheating section
    closed
    not open to new relationships; see polyfidelity
    compersion
    see the Compersion section
    duogamy
    a newer term I encountered that refers to a bisexual person maintaining relationships with 1 person of each gender with the belief that if the 2 relationships are with people of different genders and are mongamous with respect to the specific genders, then it is still ‘monogamy’. This might be kind of a transitional label or used to specifically deny or avoid the polyamorous label while still respecting their choice for a plural partner arrangement.
    dyad
    an intimate committed relationship with two people
    golden unicorn
    slang term for the bisexual female that is generally desired as a intimate and/or sexual partner for both members of a Dyad, most likely with the intent to form a Triad. In most cases this is for an established MF Dyad whose female is also bisexual.
    group marriage
    a subset of polygamy
    a general term which refers to a marriage which includes more than one person of each gender. While polygamy, in current contexts. tends to have connotations that assume a main spouse of one gender and then multiple spouses of the other gender as in polyandry and polygygy (see below); group marriage generally connotates a marriage which includes more than one person of each gender which may be further defined as open or cloaed, etc…
    HBB
    and acronym meaning ‘Hot Bi(sexual) Babe’; see Golden Unicorn
    Intentional Community
    a community of people with shared values that live together and share various resources
    see Wikipedia’s article on Intentional Communities
    limerance
    see the New Relationship Energy (NRE) section
    monamorous
    loving only one other person
    monogamy
    marrying only one other person
    new relationship energy (NRE)
    see the New Relationship Energy (NRE) section
    open
    an relationship formation that is open to intimacy from outside their primaries, such as an Open Dyad
    open marriage
    a marriage in which the spouses have agreed to have intimate partners outside their marriage
    pod
    within polyamory a pod has been described as ‘a committed network of lifelong intimate friends’. More generally a pod is a collection of people who are intimate at varying levels. Some may be permanent parts of each others lives like the primary/secondary arrangements or may be only part of the pod for small parts of times.
    polyandry
    a subset of polygamy
    the state of a woman having more than one husband
    polyandry, fraternal
    a subset of polygamy
    the state of a woman having more than one husband that are brothers related by blood
    statistically, this is commonly the most successful form of polyandry
    polyfidelity
    polyfi‘ for short
    a relationship with multiple committed partners that is closed to new intimate relationships
    polygamy
    the state of having more than one spouse
    polygyny
    a subset of polygamy
    the state of a man having more than one wife
    polygyny, sororal
    a subset of polygamy
    the state of a man having more than one wife that are sisters related by blood
    statistically, this is commonly the most successful form of polygyny
    primary
    Refers to the most committed relationships, which are also most likely the most important relationships such as a husband, wife, life partner, or others whom a person has committed relationship with. The most time and energy is spent with a person’s primaries. Some do not like this terminology, but others find it fitting and precise.
    quad
    an intimate committed relationship with four people
    romantic myths
    Romantic socio-cultural beliefs that when stoically held onto may potentially hinder a person’s ability to find happiness in relationships. Their belief in these myths, may have them holding out for an impossible romantic ideal for a future partner or have unrealistic expectation for their current partners. Western Romantic Myths tend to reinforce the starvation model of love as well.
    see starvation model of love and ‘the one’ for more information; there are links below on this topic
    secondary
    Refers to relationships that are secondary in importance, time, and/or resources, etc to their primary relationships, such as new girlfriend or long term casual long distance love. Some do not like this terminology, but others find it fitting and precise.
    see: Successful Secondaries, Taking Care of Secondaries from Xero Mag
    scarcity model of love
    starvation model of love
    starvation economy of love
    Believing that love is limited and that if I love this one person romantically then I cannot love another romantically without loving less or not loving the first person. Love is limited and therefore I can only romantically love one person at a time. This seems to be at odds with our ability to love more than one parent, child, friend, etc. This phenomenon is greatly fed by the romantic myth of the ‘the one’ or ‘your one true love’, as well as by movies, literature, and our conservative laws and social views.
    sex negative
    The pervailing attitude of Western culture finds sexuality and all things sexual negative, sinful, guilt ridden, and distasteful. Sexuality is not something to open about or to enjoy, since it is only for species perpetuation – reproduction. It is something to be repressed and ignored unless necessary.
    see Wikipedia’s article on Sex Negativity
    sex positive
    Sex positive people see their sexuality as a natural part of who we are and not afraid of or ashamed of enjoying it, or taking responsibility for their own satisfaction.
    see Wikipedia’s article on the Sex Positive Movement or The Language of Sex Positivity (The Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality)
    sexual dimorphism
    Sexual Dimorphism is term from biology that refers to the size difference in the genders of a species. Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between the level of sexual dimorphism in a species to the level of monogamousness of a species. The greater the size difference the less monogamous a species is.
    sexual monogamy
    This comes from the world of biology and refers to the state of a creature that maintains a sexually monogamous relationship with one another mate, but this does not assume social monogamy. Generally a creature that is sexually monogamous will also be socially monogamous other wise there will not be much reproductive benefit.
    social monogamy
    This comes from the world of biology and refers to the state of a creature that concentrates on acquiring food, shelter, defense, etc for only one other mate. A socially monogamous creature can can be does not also have to be sexual monogamous. Socially monogamous creatures are often sexually polygamous (seeking sexual partners outside their primary partner). There is only a small percentage of creatures that are mostly socially and sexually monogamous.
    squick
    a psychological source of discomfort (see wickionary’s definition)
    swinging
    see the Swinging section
    ‘the one’
    ‘the one true love’
    ‘you complete me’
    This view assumes that as soon as you have met ‘the one’ that you cannot and will not love another, and that you will need no one or anything else because this one person will fulfill you in all ways. You will also find no other people physically, sexually, intellectually, or emotionally attractive or desireable. This is one of the most destructive romantic myths in Western culture by putting the responsibility for your happiness in someone else, and not yourself.
    triad
    an intimate committed relationship with three people
    tribe
    intimate network
    pod
    a set of words to describe the collection of poly and/or potentially non-poly people having relationships with poly people. Each word has its own set of connotations and nuances depending on the group.
    trouple
    A trouple is 3 people involved in a romantic relationship; whereas two people in a romantic relationship are referred to as a ‘couple’. a dyad that is dating a third would be referred to as a trouple.
    v
    a relationship form where there is a single person (at the V’s hinge) to which both other members are sexually intimate with and are not intimate with each other, which is a typical formation for a FMF or MFM triad

    More Terms and Definitions

    References and Resources

    Articles (Individual)

    Audio and Video

    Books

    Discussion Groups, Meetings, Mailing Lists

    Many of the sites mentioned through out this article have forums as well. You will most likely want to search for a group that is local to you as well. Many major cities have poly lists, meetings, and support groups.

    Sites, Organizations, and Professionals

    Meeting Poly Partners or Social Networking

    I was not surprised to see this still an issue. In the pre-revolution days many of the colonies had religious tests as a requirement to hold office. They did out-law it at some point prior to the the uniting of the colonies, cialis if I remember correctly, but still there remains these last remaining vestiges of Christian religious oppression. Fortunately, the Constitution is really clear on this and tells the state to suck it.

    24 – Christmas Special Video with Jack Bauer and Santa Clause

    About Me

    This is all written from the standpoint of an 35 year old married native-born American male who was a member of the military. I have traveled the world while in and out of the military, and and I have family in Belarus since my wife is Belarussian. I speak some Russian (enough to know when people are talking about me =) ) as well as a little (very little) French and Spanish. I support globalization, health progressive social values, cardiology and world government. You can read more about me in the About Me section of this site.

    I have met people all over the world, most of which I could not communicate with because I did not know their language. This has saddened me because there are so many wonderful people all around the world. I am fortunate that my wife and our mutual friends all learned English otherwise I would never had the chance to get to know and fall in love with her, or to get to know them. An international language is very important to bring the world together, and to facilitate understanding, peace, and business.

    What is Esperanto?

    Dr. Ludwig Lazarus Zamenhof

    Dr. Ludwig Lazarus Zamenhof

    Esperanto is a language that was constructed and then presented by a Polish/Jewish optometrist named Dr. L.L. Zamenhof in 1887 for the specific purpose of becoming the world’s International Auxiliary Language (IAL) or, more simply, the international language. Dr. Zamenhof intended for the peoples of the world to learn their native tongue and then learn Esperanto as a method of conversing with those who do not speak their native tongue – a primary secondary-language if you will. It is current spoken by over 2 million speakers world wide putting it on par with the Latvian language.

    Esperanto finds its roots in words and grammatical structure in many European as well as Asian languages such as English, Italian, and German, Chinese, and Greek. (see Claude Piron’s Esperanto, a western language?” and “Esperanto: European or Asiatic“, or Wikipedia’s Esperanto Entymology for more info). It was created to be simple to learn, phonetic (words can be pronounced directly by looking at the letters), and consistent in sentence structure and word formation. It has almost no exceptions to rules or inconsistencies that makes learning other national languages such as English and Russian difficult. Since Esperanto is a constructed language this it also means it lacks national and/or cultural ties that hinders the more permanent adoption of national languages as an agreed upon and permanent lingua franca for the world.

    Why Should I Care? Make your case, freak!

    For the average American who has never traveled more than 100 miles from their homes, and have never really spoken to a foreigner or tried to learn a foreign language, much of this will be like ‘so what‘ to you. I hope that these documents will give you more insight and spur you into action to take up the language and the cause. For the rest of you who understand that globalization is an important force inthe world or that spending time on the internet conversing with people in other countries, or who would like to,  you will see how this can affect you in this world which is growing smaller and smaller by the day.

    I do not watch the Fox series titled 24 with Kieffer Sutherland, generic
    but I know that those even those who do not find this darker holiday humor entertaining:

    Category: Entertainment, Humor, Links, Misc  Tags:  Leave a Comment

    $30 YouTube Movie Picked Up by Movie Studio for $300 Deal

    $300 Sci-Fi YouTube Video Lands $30m Movie Deal (Slashdot).

    Even if it was made on $300 software… wow was it beautifully done… for the price.

    Gay on Trial: Why more than marriage is at stake in the federal legal challenge to Prop. 8

    The article Gay on Trial: Why more than marriage is at stake in the federal legal challenge to Prop. 8 (the American Prospect) has a great run-down on the current state of the gay rights movement especially in light of the famous lawyers David Boies and Ted Olson taking up the case.

    The only part of the article that I find annoying is this following quote:

    Prop. 8’s defenders seem most self-assured when speaking in broad axioms. According to the motion filed by the defense in Perry, health care “the purpose of marriage [has] always been to promote naturally procreative sexual relationships,” and “every civilized society in recorded history [has] limited marriage to opposite-sex relationships.” But when asked concrete questions, as the defense was at a pre-trial hearing in October, lawyers have been hard-pressed to come up with an answer.

    Gay on Trial, Gabriel Arana; November 23, 2009

    If they paid any attention to history or anthropology they would find this statement patently false. Marriage has not, in even a pseudo modern world, traditionally been done specifically for procreative or genetic ends. Marriage has been done for power, land, and influence, and love. The ability to bear children is a natural extension of power, love, and influence.

    Historically there have been many societies that have revered or thought nothing of homosexuality. There have been even some societies where sex with the opposite sex was abhorrent and only done with the explicit necessity of bearing children to perpetuate their tribe. The possibility of not having and answer for this I find annoying, because it is easy to refute.

    A Solomon’s Choice on Abortion: Let Compassion and Justice Prevail

    Rev. Debra Haffner’s Huffington Post article “A Solomon’s Choice on Abortion: Let Compassion and Justice Prevail” is a great message I have been a fan of hers for a few months now.