Archive for the Category » Forwards «

Conservative Christian Vitriol with Reverend Manning

I started writing this post one third of the way through his vitriol laden rant fully expecting not much was going to change by the end, buy and nothing did change.I did watch the whole thing before finishing this post.

The Louisiana Gun: The Manning Bar (on YouTube as well) with Reverend Dr. James David Manning (author of the Oblation Hour) speaks out against Obama and claims that white people are going to riot because they are tired of being pushed around. *shakes head* I was not aware I was about to revolt? Perhaps I did not get his script? *shrug*

I just had this video forwarded to me and it is really disappointing to hear how such influential people can be so lost and bigoted (calling Obama a man-lover, ask homosexual, malady half-breed, Muslim, illegal alien, usurper). I fully expect these words, especially from a man of his background (conservative Christian Southern preacher), but it is still sad to hear.

Dr. Manning’s words were vacuous at best, and he is attempting naught but fear mongering and fomenting unrest and rebellion (where there is none) via sensationally and emotionally charged words, which is a southern preacher’s talent. Move the congregation with fear and emotion; reason and dignity be damned.

Dr Manning claims matter-of-factly that his view is the state of things with nary a hint of evidence evidence or reasoning. He incorrectly assumes that everyone in America is his version of Christianity (Southern and Conservative), when in-fact, we all are not, and I am pretty sure the fact that Obama was elected shows this clearly as well.

Obama made no illusion of trying to cater to the Southern Conservative Christians (even though he seems to be leaning that way a bit) as Republicans are want to do with their platforms. The Republicans are currently struggling with this and trying to  reinvent themselves to stay current and not lose themselves in the morass of uber-conservatism, which is obviously not the direction that American socio-cultural values are headed. Gay marriage anyone?

He is just a conservative southern Christian rallying against a liberal president using the traditional conservative vitriol in an attempt to maintain the status quo. Social progress is the bane of conservative religion because change means that they need to change to remain relevant; if they have to do that then they were not “correct” to begin with. They will have to change as a religion or die out as a religion and lose face in the process

In our increasingly progressive and aware society, uber-conservative and controlling religions are fighting tooth and nail to hold on to their stagnant social values to maintain face as well as to maintain control of their flock. Without that the sheep may become disillusioned and wander off to greener and potentially more enlightened pastures.

His speech appears to be an attempt to appeal to the homophobic conservative Christian African American by attempting add credence to his views by saying the that  white people felt that way too. His racist and bigoted words do not stop there. He calls Obama a homosexual to try to cement his lack of a real case. =(

These uber-conservative Christians are a huge part of what is wrong with America today and it saddens me to the core. Let us please have a moment of silence for Dr. Manning and may God have mercy on his soul.

Interesting Facts About the World

Here is a forward that I received recently and I thought it was interesting enough to post for everyone else to see. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of any of this:

Alaska

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

Amazon

The Amazon rain forest produces more than 20% the world’s oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, sick more
than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, hemorrhoids one can dip
fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is
greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three
times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

Antarctica

Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any
country. Ninety percent of the world’s ice covers Antarctica. This ice
also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As
strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The
average yearly total precipitation is about two inches Although covered
with ice (all but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is the driest place on
the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Brazil

Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Canada

Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an
Indian word meaning "Big Village."

Chicago

Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Detroit

Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, named
so because it was the first paved road anywhere.

Damascus, Syria

Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome
was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in
existence.

Istanbul, Turkey

Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.

Los Angeles

Los Angeles’s full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula –and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

New York City

The term "The Big Apple" was coined by touring jazz musicians of the
1930’s who used the slang expression "apple" for any town or city.
Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time – The Big Apple.
There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more
Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York
City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

Ohio

There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is man made.

Pitcairn Island

The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just
1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km.

Rome

The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy
in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

Siberia

Siberia contains more than 25% of the world’s forests.

S.M.O.M.

The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M.). It is located in the city of Rome,
Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population
of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under
international law, just as the Vatican is.

Sahara Desert

In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, which did not
receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically though, the driest place
on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has
been no rainfall there for two million years.

Spain

Spain literally means ‘the land of rabbits.’

St. Paul, Minnesota

St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig’s Eye after a man named
Pierre "Pig’s Eye" Parrant who set up the first business there.

Roads

Chances that a road is unpaved in the U.S.A.: 1%, in Canada: 75%

Texas

The deepest hole ever made in the world is in Texas. It is as deep as 20
empire state buildings but only 3 inches wide.

United States

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five
must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times
of war or other emergencies.

Waterfalls

The water of Angel Falls (the World’s highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212
feet (979 meters), 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.

Gore I am!

This wandered its way around the internet following Al Gore’s loss for his presidential bid which had a crap load of screwed up ballot counts in Florida. It was most definitely funny at the time. I give props to Al Gore now. He has gone on to do some great work since that time. This was posted on my original website as well.


Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?

If I do not like the count, online
I will simply throw them out!
I will not let this vote count stand
I do not like them, neurosurgeon AL GORE I am!

Can we change these numbers here?

Can we change them, order calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
T
his is not fair, this is not fun

Lets count them upside down this time
Lets count until the state is mine!

I will not let this VOTE count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!

I’m really ticked, I’m in a snit!

You have not heard the last of it!

I’ll count the ballots one by one
And hold each one up to the sun!
I’ll count, recount, and count some more!

You’ll grow to hate this little chore

But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, Al Gore I am!

I won’t leave office, I’m stayin’ here!
I’ve glued my desk chair to my rear!

Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba too,
all telling me that I should sue!

We find the Electoral College vile!
RECOUNT the votes until I smile!

We do not want this vote to stand!

We do not like it, AL GORE I am!

How shall we count this ballot box?
Let’s count it standing in our socks!

Shall we count this one in a tree?

And who shall count it, you or me?

We cannot, cannot count enough!

We must not stop, we must be tough!

I do not want this vote to stand!
I do not like it AL GORE I am!

I’ve counted till my fingers bleed!

And still can’t fulfill my counting need!
I’ll count the tiles on the floor!
I’ll count, and count, and count some more!

And I will not say that I am done!

Until the counting says I’ve won!

I will not let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!

What’s that? What?
What are you trying to say?
You think the current count should stay?
You do not like my counting scheme?
It makes you tense, gives you bad dreams?
Foolish people, you’re wrong you’ll see!
You’re only care should be for me!

I WILL NOT LET THIS VOTE COUNT STAND!

I DO NOT LIKE IT. AND AL GORE I AM!

Words of Darrell Scott to Congress on the Columbine Shootings

This was posted on my original website and I have no idea if this is legitimate.


It is not what happens to us, ampoule it is what happens within us that will change the world, medical Quote by Mother Teresa

On Thursday, here May 27, 1999, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School Shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee’s sub-committee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert!

These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:

“Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.

“The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the ‘NCA’, (The National Club Association). The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain’s heart.

“In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA because I don’t believe that they are responsible for my daughter’s death. Therefore, I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel’s murder I would be their strongest opponent. I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy. It was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies!

Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written before I knew I would be speaking here today.

Your laws ignore our deepest needs, Your words are empty air. You’ve stripped away our heritage, You’ve outlawed simple prayer.

Now gunshots fill our classrooms, And precious children die. You seek for answers everywhere, And ask the question, “Why?” You regulate restrictive laws, Through legislative creed. And yet you fail to understand, That God is what we need!

“Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, soul, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc.

“Spiritual influences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation’s history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in doing so, we open the doors to hatred and violence.

“And when something as terrible as Columbine’s tragedy occurs, politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to the erosion of our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws.

Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre.

“The real villain lies within our own hearts. Political posturing and restrictive legislation are not the answers. The young people of our nation hold the key. There is a spiritual awakening taking place that will not be squelched! We do not need more religion. We do not need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage. We do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people with basic needs are being ignored. We do need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God!

“As my son, Craig, lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America, and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred regard for legislation that protects your God-given right to communicate with Him.

“To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA – I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter’s death will not be in vain.

The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!”

An 1895 8th Grade Exam

Another forward I received and posted on my original website. I have no idea if this is true, approved but it is interesting in its possibility.


Remember when our grandparents, information pills great-grandparents, implant and such stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, Kansas and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

Grammar (Time, one hour)

  1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
  2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
  3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
  4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
  5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
  6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
  7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)

  1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
  2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
  3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cts. a bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
  4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
  5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
  6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
  7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter?
  8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
  9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
  10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)

  1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
  2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
  3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
  4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
  5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
  6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
  7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
  8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)

  1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, and syllabication?
  2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
  3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, and linguals?
  4. Give four substitutes for caret ‘u’.
  5. Give two rules for spelling words with final ‘e’. Name two exceptions under each rule.
  6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
  7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, and sup.
  8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, and last.
  9. Use the following correctly in sentences, cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, and rays.
  10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)

  1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
  2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
  3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
  4. Describe the mountains of North America.
  5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fermandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
  6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
  7. Name all the republics of Europe and give capital of each.
  8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
  9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
  10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.

I’d say this gives the saying of an early 20th century person that “he only had an 8th grade education” a whole new meaning.

Life in the 1500’s

Another ‘forward’ that was posted on my original website.


  1. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bathing in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, website they were starting to smell, ampoule so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, pills then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it – hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”
  2. Houses had thatched roofs–thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof – hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”
  3. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.
  4. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying “dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entry way – hence, a “thresh hold.”
  5. They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while – hence the rhyme, “peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”
  6. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man “could bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat.”
  7. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
  8. Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale paysan bread which was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy moldy trenchers, one would get “trench mouth.”
  9. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or “upper crust.”
  10. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would some times knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up – hence the custom of holding a “wake.”
  11. England is old and small and they started out running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone house” and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered a “dead ringer.”

38 Things you would love to say at work but cannot

Here is another ‘forward’ that I posted on my original website.


  1. I can see your point, generic but I still think you’re full of shit.
  2. I don’t know what your problem is, decease but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  3. How about never? Is never good for you?
  4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it  my way.
  6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
  7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
  9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re  saying.
  10. Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…
  11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust ofstrangers.
  13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
  14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
  18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
  24. Do I look like a people person?
  25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
  30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
  34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  36. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
  37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Tribute to the United States

I have no idea is this was truly posted, decease but it is a neat little patriotic message.


This, ailment from a Canadian newspaper, is worth sharing.

America: The Good Neighbor.

Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair, a Canadian television commentator. What follows is the full text of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record:

“This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the earth.

Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States.

When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.

When earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to help. This spring, 59 American communities were flattened by tornadoes. Nobody helped.

The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans.

I’d like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don’t they fly them? Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes?

You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles.

You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon – not once, but several times – and safely home again.

You talk about scandals, and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at . Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here.

When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke.

I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble? I don’t think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake.

Our neighbors have faced it alone, and I’m one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those.”

Stand proud, America!

Wear it proudly!!

Chain Letter to End All Chainletters

Here is a ‘forward’ that I received and had posted on my original site that was pretty funny, buy but significantly more liscivious than I would normally post so do not think that this is going to be the norm around here. Thanks!


Chain Letter to End All Chainletters

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send “his” email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every Victoria’s Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you’re going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing.

I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some ‘omniscient being'” forwards about 90 times. I don’t fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own unpopularity.

P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS :

Chain Letter Type 1 (scroll down)

 

Make a wish!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Really, go on and make one!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wish something else!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not that, you pervert!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is your finger getting tired yet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

STOP!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wasn’t that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here’s how it goes:

  • Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
  • Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
  • Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
  • Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!!

Good Luck!!!


Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Klaliviatatlaglooshen Fund . Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder – if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.


Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

  • A friend is someone who is always at your side,
  • A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
  • A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re disgustingly ugly,
  • A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,
  • A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
  • A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
  • A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English, no sorry that’s the cleaning lady,
  • A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll be eaten by wild mutts!


Conclusion

There. Now that we’ve covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don’t think it was funny at all, don’t bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don’t, I don’t care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter ignore it. If it’s a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it’s gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Klaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of turds) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say:

“#$@%^(@$# CHAIN LETTERS!!”