For all of you out there that are having a problem sleeping give Ricky Gervais’ Sesame Street Lullaby brought to you by the letter ‘N’ a try. I blame this completely on my 2 year old little girl.
Archive for the Category » Humor «
All nouns bases all end with the letter ‘o’ such as libro which means book.
Common Noun Modifiers
- ag – add ag and the end of the word to make it larger such as converting book to tome or just a really large book: librajo
- Object of sentence
- n – add the suffix n to the end of a noun to show that it is the object of a sentence – libron.
- j – add to the end of a noun to make it plural – libroj. Plural object – librojn.
- et – add et and the end of the word to make it smaller such as converting book to booklet: libreto
Gender Specific Nouns
Female: All gender specific nouns are considered male. To make these female add the suffix ‘in’ to it. Make boy which is knabo to girl – knabino.
Genderless: adding ‘ge’ to the front of one of these words removes gender from the meaning, bronchi i.e. ‘gepatro’ means parent.
Mr./Mrs. – Sinjoro/Sinjorino
Boy/Girl – knabo/knabino
Son/Daughter – filo/filino
Brother/Sister – frato/fratino
Father/Mother – patro/patrino
Man/Woman – viro/virino
Uncle/Aunt – onklo/onklino
Child – infano
Dates and Times
Second – sekundo
Minute – minuto
Hour – horo
Year – Jaro
Week – Semajno
Morning – mateno
Day – tago
Evening – vespero
Sunset – sunsubiro
Sunrise – sunleviĝo
- 1 – unu
- 2 – du
- 3 – tri
- 4 – kvar
- 5 – kvin
- 6 – ses
- 7 – sep
- 8 – ok
- 9 – naŭ
- 10 – dek
- 11 – dek unu
- 12 – dek du
- 20 – dudek
- 30 – tridek
- 100 – cent
- 1000 – mil
I suppose you are wondering how the hell the title of this post makes any sense. Well, doctor
if it makes you feel any better I am still trying to figure it out too. =)
I went to an eye exam and purchased new glasses late last week, refractionist
which came today. Now, I usually bring my beautiful and most awesomest wife, Tanya, along with to help pick out my frames, but it did not happen this time, because I was in a hurry. My eyes were greatly strained and I just wanted it to stop.
When she returned home from teaching her Yoga class she was appalled at the very sight of my new frames and all she could manage to utter while shuddering in revulsion were the words “fascist butterfly”. I feel like she has this uncontrollable desire to put a bag over my head so she does not have to bare the sight of them in all of their hideous glory. I am afraid that she may try to smoother them while I am sleeping, or perhaps angrily spray me with a flaming pesticide. =o
Let us keep in mind that my most wonderful wife is Russian and with their history and culture especially for people of her age and older, they have a built-in antagonism for anything fascist-like. Unbeknownst to me these frames seem to embody that ideal. =(
I will try to get you a picture of the new glasses soon.
This wandered its way around the internet following Al Gore’s loss for his presidential bid which had a crap load of screwed up ballot counts in Florida. It was most definitely funny at the time. I give props to Al Gore now. He has gone on to do some great work since that time. This was posted on my original website as well.
Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?
Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, order calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
his is not fair, this is not fun
Lets count them upside down this time
Lets count until the state is mine!
I will not let this VOTE count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
I’m really ticked, I’m in a snit!
You have not heard the last of it!
I’ll count the ballots one by one
And hold each one up to the sun!
I’ll count, recount, and count some more!
You’ll grow to hate this little chore
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, Al Gore I am!
I won’t leave office, I’m stayin’ here!
I’ve glued my desk chair to my rear!
Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba too,
all telling me that I should sue!
We find the Electoral College vile!
RECOUNT the votes until I smile!
We do not want this vote to stand!
We do not like it, AL GORE I am!
How shall we count this ballot box?
Let’s count it standing in our socks!
Shall we count this one in a tree?
And who shall count it, you or me?
We cannot, cannot count enough!
We must not stop, we must be tough!
I do not want this vote to stand!
I do not like it AL GORE I am!
I’ve counted till my fingers bleed!
And still can’t fulfill my counting need!
I’ll count the tiles on the floor!
I’ll count, and count, and count some more!
And I will not say that I am done!
Until the counting says I’ve won!
I will not let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
What’s that? What?
What are you trying to say?
You think the current count should stay?
You do not like my counting scheme?
It makes you tense, gives you bad dreams?
Foolish people, you’re wrong you’ll see!
You’re only care should be for me!
I WILL NOT LET THIS VOTE COUNT STAND!
I DO NOT LIKE IT. AND AL GORE I AM!
Here is another ‘forward’ that I posted on my original website.
- I can see your point, generic but I still think you’re full of shit.
- I don’t know what your problem is, decease but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it Â my way.
- I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
- I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
- It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re Â saying.
- Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust ofstrangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
- I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
- It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Here is a ‘forward’ that I received and had posted on my original site that was pretty funny, buy but significantly more liscivious than I would normally post so do not think that this is going to be the norm around here. Thanks!
Chain Letter to End All Chainletters
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send “his” email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every Victoria’s Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you’re going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing.
I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some ‘omniscient being'” forwards about 90 times. I don’t fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own unpopularity.
P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS :
Chain Letter Type 1 (scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
Wasn’t that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here’s how it goes:
- Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
- Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
- Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
- Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Klaliviatatlaglooshen Fund . Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder – if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
Chain Letter Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
- A friend is someone who is always at your side,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re disgustingly ugly,
- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,
- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
- A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English, no sorry that’s the cleaning lady,
- A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll be eaten by wild mutts!
There. Now that we’ve covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don’t think it was funny at all, don’t bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don’t, I don’t care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter ignore it. If it’s a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it’s gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Klaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of turds) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say:
“#$@%^(@$# CHAIN LETTERS!!”
Tanya enjoys taking pictures of the squirrels that are found around my mother’s bird feeders. We had and unusual moment where a squirrel was determined to get munching from our feeder and Tanya happened to get an interesting picture of it. I have some potentially humorous captions below it. If you have a better caption post it.
- “I am Bat-Squirrel.”
- *waves a tiny paw and says* “This is not the squirrel you’re looking for.”
- “Squirrel? What Squirrel?”
- “Maybe they will not notice me if I stay still?”
- “Maybe, information pills if I ignore them they will go away?”
So, phlebologist we have this ephemeral gift for the lazy called the ‘Gift Card‘. Why would anyone inflict this scourge upon another especially during a holiday when we should be extolling love, family, friendship, and companionship. It is like saying ‘Here. Go buy your own damn gift as I cannot be bothered the moment or three to think of buying a real one for you.‘.
Oh, and it gets better. Not only does the giver not care so much, but the receiver has to take the time to pick out their own gift. They have to take the time to decide what to get out of the vast plethora of things that the store has to offer. The moral and intellectual quandry that this incites is painful and stressful. Why are you trying to inflict this state upon another that you care enough to think about getting a gift for. Surely they are at least semi-important to you and you might care about them at least a little bit. Happy Freak’n Christmas. Muahahahahahahahahah!
The hapless receiver will be going through the following ‘How do I choose the best use of this gift card? Do I buy something with it that will use it up? Should I save it to buy something later? Do I buy something that is more expensive and foot the rest of the bill? Do I buy something that I want or something that I need? Which will make me feel less guilty?. Maybe I should use this to by something for someone else?‘
All I have to say to you gift card buyers out there is ‘You sadistic and lazy bastards. Go jump in a hole.‘
Just so I can put this whole rant into in perspective for you. This Christmas we bought gift cards for everyone on our list. Have a great day. 😉