Archive for » August, 2010 «

Post Facto Repeals Bother Me…

So, and I am currently reading about constitutional law which is a fascinating topic, anesthetist and this has prompted me to write this post.  This is actually something I have thought of a long time ago before I started to read about this topic, but I thought I would now put ‘pen to paper’ so to speak to get this idea out there. I do not have a problem with post facto repeals of law as a principle, since they are definitely needed, but my problem is that there are so many of them and sometimes it make take years for them to come to light resulting in damage to people and their rights to which laws and our legislators, and other officials, are entrusted to protect.

I have a problem with laws that are passed and eventually are found unconstitutional or have other problems, and are subsequently repealed with those, whose rights have been violated, have exactly no recourse or reparations for their violated rights and/or destroyed lives, beyond the repealing of the offending law. I think that this is a grave injustice to the American peoples whose lives and livelihood have been adversely affected.

The fact that there is no real recourse for the American people, or punishment per se for those that enacted such negligent laws, allows the perpetuation of such practices. There is a no real punishment or deterrent to our lawmakers for walking this path. They have the potential of not getting elected again or being impeached, right, but that potential is so small and not enough of a deterrent especially when they cater to a majority in trampling the rights of the minority. There is no real deterrent to not pass these unconstitutional laws. By the time that it comes around for the government to deal with the law those that passed the offending law may not even be in office and besides, someone else will be fighting both sides of the battle – not the legislators – the ones who sanctioned the law. State and Federal government is one thing, and I understand that local governments are in some ways a different story, but still there is something that needs to be done about that too.

Post Facto Repeals

I realize that our founding fathers, in light of the common governmental philosophies and examples of the time, think that having the judicial branch  as a post facto (after the fact) method of solving these deficiencies is enough, but the post facto nature means that damage is already done to those people’s rights who have been violated. The communities then were smaller and word traveled quickly about such things, and the revolution and standing up for your rights was the thing to do then, but now a days  our communities are huge, spread apart, and disconnected, and long past the forgotten revolutionary mindset. The United States is huge and the common people are far removed from the law creation process and our legislators. We live in a very different world than our founding fathers could have ever imagined.

One of the very foundational principles of  our government is that government is there to ensure the protection of our Life, Liberty, and Property (LLP). I belive that the passing of these unconstitutional laws and their subsequent need to be repealed as gross negligence on the part of our governmental and civil leaders, and their passing of these laws is a violation of their oaths and a violation of our rights to LLP. I understand that there are going to be some laws that are going to make it through which are borderline and need to be dealt with, but there should not as many as there are.

There are some laws that take decades for someone to say something about and finally do something about it. There is a lot of social pressure to not rock to boat. If you take a look at the animus and violence surrounding the gay rights movement, the school prayer, and ten commandments issues then you will know what I mean. People are afraid to stand up for their rights due to potential  adverse social reactions regardless of how right they are. This fact allows for the perpetuation of violations to our rights out of fear and that is an unAmerican result.

When these unconstitutional laws are passed and several years go by and damage is done to the US citizens. This is wrong and a violation of our government’s job of protecting our rights and not being apart of the violation process.

Pre Facto

Now, I cannot imagine that our lawmakers do not have some sort of judicial opinions being thrown at them as they are legislating new laws, but with as many laws as there are that need to be repealed I find it hard to see that there is. Perhaps it might be because I am more active in thinking and reading about civil rights stuff that I may be more sensitive to it, but still there are these laws that are getting passed and they are hurting people who have no recourse or reparations besides the agonizing process of pursuing a repeal.

There needs to be more pre facto work done on these laws so that they either never get passed or that they are reformed to be made constitutional prior to be being submitted for approval. I understand that many of these laws get passed in the heat of the moment and under great socio-polical pressure where legislators are more concerned about keeping their jobs than doing things right, or they maybe caught up in the emotion of the “national” moment, but they still have an obligation to protect our rights and to not be  part of violating them.

What can be done?

I understand that our government officials can not be held directly liable else they will be not allowed to do their job out of fear, but we need some way to hold them accountable for their actions or install a deterrent for them to be party to passing such laws, but here are some of my thoughts and I know for obvious reasons that most of these will not work, but here is what came to mind:

  • 3 strikes rule –  government officials who pass 3 laws that need to be repeal loose there jobs.
  • fines – government officials who pass laws that need to be repealed are fined
  • reparations – those people whose rights are violated are compensated by the government and the violations are corrected. Sort of a class action lawsuit against the government.
  • amicus briefs – allowing for the filing of amicus briefs from all interested parties so that legislators can have more informed opinions from those outside the legislative process and the potential legal consequences
  • open content – posting laws to a public website for comment
  • subpoenaing legislators – during the repealing process require the legislators who passed the bill to testify and defend their actions

Perhaps you people have better and more elegant ideas about this?

NYT Article – “Does Language Shape the Way You Think?”

So, order I am currently reading about constitutional law which is a fascinating topic, and this has prompted me to write this post.  This is actually something I have thought of a long time ago before I started to read about this topic, but I thought I would now put ‘pen to paper’ so to speak. I do not have a problem with post facto repeals of law as a principle, but I my problem is that there are so many of them and sometimes it make take years for them to come to light resulting in damage to people and their rights to which laws and our legislators are entrusted to protect.

I have a problem with laws that are passed and eventually are found unconstitutional or have other problems, and are subsequently repealed with those, whose rights have been violated, have exactly no recourse or reparations for their violated rights and/or destroyed lives, beyond the repealing of the offending law. I think that this is a grave injustice to the American peoples.

The fact that there is no recourse for the American people, or punishment per se for those that enacted such negligent laws, allows the perpetuation of such practices. There is a no real punishment or deterrent to our lawmakers for doing as such. They have the potential of not getting elected again or being impeached, right, but that potential is so small and not enough of a deterrent especially when they cater to a majority in trampling the rights of the minority, as we can obviously see. There is no real deterrent to not pass these unconstitutional laws. By the time that it comes around for the government to deal with the law they may not even be in office and besides, someone else will be fighting both sides of the fight – not the legislators. State and Federal government is one thing, and I understand that local governments are in some ways a different story, but still there is something that can be done about that too.

Post Facto Repeals

I realize that our founding fathers, in light of the common governmental philosophies and examples of the time, think that having the judicial branch  as a post facto (after the fact) method of solving these deficiencies is enough, but the post facto nature means that damage is already done to those people’s rights who have been violated. The communities then were smaller and word traveled quickly about such things, and revolution and standing up for your rights was the thing to do then, but now a days  our communities are huge, spread apart, and disconnected. The United States is huge and the common people are far removed from the law creation process and our legislators. We live in a very different world than our founding fathers could have ever imagined.

One of the very foundational principles of  our government is that government is there to ensure the protection of our Life, Liberty, and Property (LLP). I see that the passing of these unconstitutional laws and their subsequent need to be repealed as gross negligence on the part of our governmental leaders and the their passing of these laws is a violation of their oaths and a violation of our rights to LLP. I understand that there are going to be some laws that are going to make it through and need to be dealt with but, there should not as many as there are. There are some laws that take decades for someone to say something about and finally do something about it. There is a lot of social pressure to not rock to boat. If you take a look at the animus and violence surrounding the gay rights movement, the school prayer ten commandments issues then you will know what I mean. People are afraid to stand up for their rights due to potential  adverse social reactions regardless of how right they are. This fact allows for the perpetuation of violations to our rights out of fear and that is an unAmerican result.

When these unconstitutional laws are passed and several years go by and damage is done to the US citizens. This is wrong and a violation of our government’s job of protecting our rights and not being apart of the violation process.

Pre Facto

Now, I cannot imagine that our lawmakers do not have some sort of judicial opinions being thrown at them as they are legislating new laws, but with as many laws as there are that need to be repealed I find it hard to see that there is. Perhaps it might be because I am more active in thinking and reading about civil rights stuff that I may be more sensitive to it, but still there are these laws that are getting passed and they are hurting people who have no recourse or reparations besides the agonizing process of pursuing a repeal.

There needs to be more pre facto work done on these laws so that they either never get passed or that the made constitutional. I understand that many of these laws get passed in the heat of the moment and under great socio-cultural pressure where legislators are more concerned about keeping their jobs than doing things right, or may be caught up in the emotion of the “national” moment, but they still have an obligation to protect our rights and to not be  part of violating them.

What can be done?

I understand that our government officials can not be held directly liable else they will be not allowed to do their job, but we need some way to hold them accountable for their actions or install a deterrent for them to be party to passing such laws, but here are some of my thoughts and I know for obvious reasons that most of these will not work, but here is what came to mind:

  • 3 strikes rule –  government officials who pass 3 laws that need to be repeal loose there jobs.
  • fines – government officials who pass laws that need to be repealed are fined
  • reparations – those people whose rights are violated are compensated and the violations are corrected. Sort of a class action lawsuit against the government
  • amicus briefs – allowing for the filing of amicus briefs from all interested parties so that legislators can have more informed opinions from those outside the legislative process and the potential legal consequences
  • open content – posting laws to a public website for comment
  • subpoenaing legislators – requiring legislators who passed the bill to testify in the repealing process

I ran into this article titled “Does Language Shape the Way You Think?” that talks about how the vocabulary of your native tongue can affect how you conceptualize and relate to the world around you. I have heard of this before in reading about linguistics, ampoule but since I found an article on it I thought I would post it for everyone. It is fascinating stuff.

My Half-Sister Found Me!

This is by no means complete or the end-all-be-all of polyamory tutorials or introductions, prostate since it is such a diverse lifestyle that you could not really hope to encompass it all in one readable page, but this should give you a good starting point from which you can do your own research and form your own opinions. Good luck and enjoy.

Infinite Heart

Sections

About Polyamory

This is a broad overview of polyamory from compersion, jealousy, and relationship agreements with a helpful list of references and definitions.

Polyamory: definition

Polyamory (or the more British spelling ‘polyamoury’) is also referred to as ‘responsible non-monogamy’ or just ‘poly’. It is the state of having, or being oriented to having, multiple concurrent intimate relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all concerned.

Polyamory does not necessarily imply that the relationships are sexual, but many times they are. Some poly relationships may be non-sexual (platonic) romances, with an intimate emotional, psychological, and/or intellectual connection beyond what would merely be called “friendship.”

Successful polyamorous relationships generally require a high level of self-awareness, honesty (especially with oneself), introspection, self-security, and communication among all concerned. Polyamory is not for the faint of heart or wussies.

Origin of the Word

The word ‘polyamory‘ is derived from the Greek poly-, ‘many’, and the Latin amor, ‘love’. The word was invented independently in 1990 by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart (in the adjectival form ‘poly-amorous’) and in 1992 by Jennifer L. Wesp. (Reference: Polyamory Enters Oxford English Dictionary)

Forms of Polyamory

Poly relationships can take a wide variety of forms. A person may have two lovers who having only passing knowledge of each other, or lovers who are close friends, or lovers who are also romantically and sexually involved with each other (an “equilateral triad”). A married or otherwise life-bonded couple (‘primaries’) may have less-involved relationships with other lovers (‘secondaries’). The commonest poly formation is probably the ‘vee’ (three people with two of them not romantically involved); a vee may be called a “triad” if their lives are deeply intertwined, sex or no. A ‘full’ or ‘equilateral’ triad involves romantic relationships between all three — but the three relationships need not be ‘equal’. In fact, it is a piece of poly wisdom that no two relationships are exactly the same, and trying to force them to be equal is asking for trouble. Larger groups may be ‘quads’ of four with various degrees of interconnectedness, ‘quints’ of five, or ‘intimate networks’ of more people with more complicated geometry.

“The Poly Mantra”

Since the 1980s, and especially since the 1990s, the poly community has grown enormously and shared many hard-won, trial-and-error lessons within the community, both in person and, especially, online. The most often-cited lesson is the so-called poly mantra: “Communicate, communicate, communicate.

A habit of open and honest communication, experience has shown, is almost always required to enable everyone to understand what is going on with each other’s emotions and thoughts — and in the absence of such openness, problems in a poly group are almost guaranteed. Communicating your thoughts and emotions (positive and negative) sooner rather than later helps avert hard feelings and difficult situations, or forces them onto the table. Your partners cannot ‘read your mind‘ and will not ‘just understand or know‘; such romanticized ideals are quickly put aside by successful polyfolks. When a problem arises, be open, honest, calm, and understanding, and all may eventually work itself out. Some poly people and groups hold regular ‘family meetings’ to promote the early airing of nascent problems. If serious problems do not resolve, you might seek the help of a poly-friendly counselor. The books Radical Honesty, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and Nonviolent Communication may help give you perspective and effective communication tools.

Compersion or Frubble

‘Compersion’ (or the British ‘frubble’) is the state of feeling joy at the joy of another loved one, specifically, when applied in the poly context, is when a loved one is relating to another person intimately; such as a husband feeling joy at seeing or knowing that his wife is enjoying time with her new boyfriend.

Compersion is the complete opposite of jealousy. Compersion is a goal to which polyfolk often aspire in order to break negative cultural (and/or evolutionary) programming and increase their satisfaction and happiness in their poly relationships.

See Wikipedia’s Compersion article and A Crazy Little thing Called…

Relationship Agreements

Poly relationships are wide and varied in their form, assumptions, and ideologies. What one person takes for granted and assumes may not be true for the others in the relationship, so many find it useful to form a relationship agreement. These agreements, when done, are generally written, but can be completely oral; many are setup as a relationship contact that is agreed and signed by all so there are no misunderstandings. Relationship Agreements can be a very useful tool, especially to those that are new to poly, to help verbalize and work through their thoughts, assumptions, and ramifications of the agreement, as well as to solidify a joint definition of their relationship and acceptable practices.

It is important to remember that relationships are not static, especially poly relationships where people can come and go as time goes on, and you will need revisit this agreement, and bargain and change the agreement to reflect the change in the relationship and your needs. The document should be a living breathing extension of your relationship changing as much as you change.

The book Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts has some good info on this.

Adultery or Cheating

Polys define cheating as the breaking of a viceral agreement or understanding within the relationship. Most married or bonded couples have an agreement, either explicit or culturally implied, and most times includes not having sex with other people (i.e. sexual exclusivity). Polys have a wide variety of agreements and understandings (which, some believe, are best put in writing in order to prevent later confusion, evasion, or wishful thinking).

In sexual terms, cheating can be defined as engaging in an intimate relationship with an outside person without the consent and/or knowledge of your existing partner(s). This usually involves lying, deceiving, or omission of important facts. Cheating is antithetical to polyamory and is usually is as fatal to it as it would be to any relationship. Polyamory requires informed consent and knowledge from all parties involved — and, experience shows, consistently high integrity overall.

Adultery is a legal term referring to sex with an outside partner while married, and the word normally implies cheating. A more extensive treatise on adultery from the Christian perspective is handled in the book ‘Divine Sex‘ (see below).

Jealousy

Jealousy is the big ‘monster-in-the-closet‘ for many relationships regardless of their form. It is a special issue for polyamory, since participants have to face personal fears and insecurities (the roots of jealousy) that monogamous couple may mostly avoid. The righteousness of feeling jealous is supported by our culture in movies, cultural values, religion, and laws, but jealousy something that is learned and therefore can be unlearned. Many couples battle with it (in and outside of poly), and is a common reason for emotional turmoil and breakups in poly relationships, especially near the beginning. Defeating jealousy in your life may require a tremendous amount of soul searching, introspection, honesty, communication, as well as trust and faith in your relationships and partners.

See below for some sites that deal with this issue.

Marriage

Polyamory, in-and-of-itself, does not assume marriage is the goal or a desired outcome. Polyamory and Marriage, however, are not mutually exclusive either, since they both deal with relationships at various levels.

Polygamy is explicitly a type of marital state involving plural partners, whereas monogamy is explicitly a type of marital state involving single partners and that is it.

Polyamory is referring to an open and honest relationship model involving plural partners.

Polygamy is specific to marriage, whereas Polyamory is not. However, since marriage is a type of relationship and so is polyamory, they can and do meet.

Polyfidelity within polyamory could mirror a ‘traditional’ polygynous (MFFF) or polyandrous (FMMM) marriage exactly. You could have a polyamorous quad (MFMF) that is married polygamously via Group Marriage (polygamy). You could also have a Polygynous Quad (MFFF) that was polyamorous. You could even have a monogamous marriage that was polyamorous or more commonly – just an Open Marriage.

New Relationship Energy (NRE) or Limerence

NRE (resulting from limerence) is the honeymoon phase of the relationship when everything is new and exciting and brain chemicals keep you in a potentially blind emotional high. It typically lasts 6 months to 2 or 3 years. This ‘high‘ can have you doing things that you would not do while in a normal and objective frame of mind. When you are engaging in a new relationship you will want to guard yourself and your relationships from this as best you can. Enjoy the ride, but be careful.

Once the ‘love-struck‘ or ‘blinded-by-love‘ condition wears off some find themselves, in retrospect, having made bad decisions, hurting and neglecting those that they love and have committed themselves to. NRE can be seen as a sort of a not-so-short sickness that one has to deal with and monitor for fear of negatively impacting your other relationships with emotional and love-struck decisions.

See Wikipedia’s articles on New Relationship Energy (NRE) and Limerance.

Swinging

Swinging is not polyamory, and the difference is often a sore spot when poly people are speaking with non-polys about what polyamory is. Swinging is generally recreational sex with little emotional involvement. Swinging is typically done by couples attending special swing venues or parties together. Swinging communities often have rules, explicit or implied, against falling in love with others in your swing group.

Sometimes people who swing tire of sex for its own sake and wish for more personal and intimate connections. Two or more couples who swing together frequently may simply grow to become close life friends and/or desire more. In either case, people may find themselves drifting away from swinging and into the wonderful and challenging world of polyamory.

Conversely, polyamorists can be swingers too, happy to enjoy an occasional no-strings fling at a party or sex club. But the two circles tend to be different in terms of sociology, class, philosophy, and intellectual background. Many polys shun swinging because of negative connotation associated with it. The mainstream attitude is that swinging is wrong and immoral; the mainstream attitude toward polyamory is similar, but polys usually resist being stigmatized as caring only about sex.

A group could be an open triad with a relationship agreement stating that swinging is OK, and one or more of the participants engages in swinging. The triad relationship would still be polyamorous, but the relationship with the outside swinging partners would not necessaily be.

Spiritual Paths That May Support Polyamory

  • Agnosticism
  • Pagan/Wicca
  • Tantra
  • Taoism
  • Unitarian Universalism
adultery or cheating
see the Adultery or Cheating section
closed
not open to new relationships; see polyfidelity
compersion
see the Compersion section
cowboy or cowgirl
A pejorative term referring to a monogamous person who meets someone who openly identifies as polyamorous, becomes romantically involved with them, and attempts to “cut them out of the herd,” meaning: persuade them to sever existing relationships and embrace monogamy.
duogamy
a newer term I encountered that refers to a bisexual person maintaining relationships with 1 person of each gender with the belief that if the 2 relationships are with people of different genders and are mongamous with respect to the specific genders, then it is still ‘monogamy’. This might be kind of a transitional label or used to specifically deny or avoid the polyamorous label while still respecting their choice for a plural partner arrangement.
dyad
an intimate committed relationship with two people
golden unicorn
slang term for the bisexual female that is generally desired as a intimate and/or sexual partner for both members of a Dyad, most likely with the intent to form a Triad. In most cases this is for an established MF Dyad whose female is also bisexual.
group marriage
a subset of polygamy
a general term which refers to a marriage which includes more than one person of each gender. While polygamy, in current contexts. tends to have connotations that assume a main spouse of one gender and then multiple spouses of the other gender as in polyandry and polygygy (see below); group marriage generally connotates a marriage which includes more than one person of each gender which may be further defined as open or cloaed, etc…
HBB
and acronym meaning ‘Hot Bi(sexual) Babe’; see Golden Unicorn
Intentional Community
a community of people with shared values that live together and share various resources
see Wikipedia’s article on Intentional Communities
limerance
see the New Relationship Energy (NRE) section
monamorous
loving only one other person
monogamy
marrying only one other person
new relationship energy (NRE)
see the New Relationship Energy (NRE) section
open
an relationship formation that is open to intimacy from outside their primaries, such as an Open Dyad
open marriage
a marriage in which the spouses have agreed to have intimate partners outside their marriage
pod
within polyamory a pod has been described as ‘a committed network of lifelong intimate friends’. More generally a pod is a collection of people who are intimate at varying levels. Some may be permanent parts of each others lives like the primary/secondary arrangements or may be only part of the pod for small parts of times.
polyandry
a subset of polygamy
the state of a woman having more than one husband
polyandry, fraternal
a subset of polygamy
the state of a woman having more than one husband that are brothers related by blood
statistically, this is commonly the most successful form of polyandry
polyfidelity
polyfi‘ for short
a relationship with multiple committed partners that is closed to new intimate relationships
polygamy
the state of having more than one spouse
polygyny
a subset of polygamy
the state of a man having more than one wife
polygyny, sororal
a subset of polygamy
the state of a man having more than one wife that are sisters related by blood
statistically, this is commonly the most successful form of polygyny
primary
Refers to the most committed relationships, which are also most likely the most important relationships such as a husband, wife, life partner, or others whom a person has committed relationship with. The most time and energy is spent with a person’s primaries. Some do not like this terminology, but others find it fitting and precise.
quad
an intimate committed relationship with four people
romantic myths
Romantic socio-cultural beliefs that when stoically held onto may potentially hinder a person’s ability to find happiness in relationships. Their belief in these myths, may have them holding out for an impossible romantic ideal for a future partner or have unrealistic expectation for their current partners. Western Romantic Myths tend to reinforce the starvation model of love as well.
see starvation model of love and ‘the one’ for more information; there are links below on this topic
secondary
Refers to relationships that are secondary in importance, time, and/or resources, etc to their primary relationships, such as new girlfriend or long term casual long distance love. Some do not like this terminology, but others find it fitting and precise.
see: Successful Secondaries, Taking Care of Secondaries from Xero Mag
scarcity model of love
starvation model of love
starvation economy of love
Believing that love is limited and that if I love this one person romantically then I cannot love another romantically without loving less or not loving the first person. Love is limited and therefore I can only romantically love one person at a time. This seems to be at odds with our ability to love more than one parent, child, friend, etc. This phenomenon is greatly fed by the romantic myth of the ‘the one’ or ‘your one true love’, as well as by movies, literature, and our conservative laws and social views.
sex negative
The pervailing attitude of Western culture finds sexuality and all things sexual negative, sinful, guilt ridden, and distasteful. Sexuality is not something to open about or to enjoy, since it is only for species perpetuation – reproduction. It is something to be repressed and ignored unless necessary.
see Wikipedia’s article on Sex Negativity
sex positive
Sex positive people see their sexuality as a natural part of who we are and not afraid of or ashamed of enjoying it, or taking responsibility for their own satisfaction.
see Wikipedia’s article on the Sex Positive Movement or The Language of Sex Positivity (The Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality)
sexual dimorphism
Sexual Dimorphism is term from biology that refers to the size difference in the genders of a species. Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between the level of sexual dimorphism in a species to the level of monogamousness of a species. The greater the size difference the less monogamous a species is.
sexual monogamy
This comes from the world of biology and refers to the state of a creature that maintains a sexually monogamous relationship with one another mate, but this does not assume social monogamy. Generally a creature that is sexually monogamous will also be socially monogamous other wise there will not be much reproductive benefit.
social monogamy
This comes from the world of biology and refers to the state of a creature that concentrates on acquiring food, shelter, defense, etc for only one other mate. A socially monogamous creature can can be does not also have to be sexual monogamous. Socially monogamous creatures are often sexually polygamous (seeking sexual partners outside their primary partner). There is only a small percentage of creatures that are mostly socially and sexually monogamous.
squick
a psychological source of discomfort (see wickionary’s definition)
swinging
see the Swinging section
‘the one’
‘the one true love’
‘you complete me’
This view assumes that as soon as you have met ‘the one’ that you cannot and will not love another, and that you will need no one or anything else because this one person will fulfill you in all ways. You will also find no other people physically, sexually, intellectually, or emotionally attractive or desireable. This is one of the most destructive romantic myths in Western culture by putting the responsibility for your happiness in someone else, and not yourself.
triad
an intimate committed relationship with three people
tribe
intimate network
pod
a set of words to describe the collection of poly and/or potentially non-poly people having relationships with poly people. Each word has its own set of connotations and nuances depending on the group.
trouple
A trouple is 3 people involved in a romantic relationship; whereas two people in a romantic relationship are referred to as a ‘couple’. a dyad that is dating a third would be referred to as a trouple.
v
a relationship form where there is a single person (at the V’s hinge) to which both other members are sexually intimate with and are not intimate with each other, which is a typical formation for a FMF or MFM triad

More Terms and Definitions

References and Resources

Articles (Individual)

Audio and Video

Books About Polyamory and Related Subjects

Discussion Groups, Meetings, Mailing Lists

Many of the sites mentioned through out this article have forums as well. You will most likely want to search for a group that is local to you as well. Many major cities have poly lists, meetings, and support groups.

Sites, Organizations, and Professionals

Meeting Poly Partners or Social Networking

Fiction Books, Movies, Songs, etc That Include Polyamory

I cannot vouch for any of these. I am merely collecting what others have said. =) Heinlein seems to be the big-man on campus for books.

Polyamory Related Books @ Polychromatic

Poly in Non-Fiction, Fiction, Movies, Songs, Comics/Graphic Novels

Books
  • Diane Duane (more of a young adult book series)
    • The Door into Shadow
    • The Door into Fire
  • John Varley
    • Demon
    • Wizard
    • Gaia
    • The Ophuichi Hotline
    • Steel Beach
    • The Golden Globe
  • Marion Zimmer Bradley
  • The Spell Sword/Forbidden Tower series
  • Robert Heinlein
    • Stranger in a Strange Land
    • The Moon is a Harsh Mistress
    • Time Enough for Love
      I Will Fear No Evil (Though the book kinda sucks)
    • The Number of the Beast
    • Friday
    • The Cat Who Walks Through Walls
    • To Sail Beyond the Sunset
  • Robert Rimmer
    • The Herrad Experiment ( it is a movie also?)
  • Spider Robinson
    • Callahan’s Lady
    • Lady Slings the Booze
  • Music
    • Abba, “Two For the Price of One”
    • Joan Armatrading, “The Weakness in Me”
    • Baba Yaga, “Monogamy Shpedogamy”
    • Joan Baez, “Little Darlin'”
    • Barenaked Ladies, “Alternative Girlfriend”
    • William Bell, “Trying to Love Two”
    • Belle and Sebastian, Seeing Other People”
    • Christopher Bingham, “Family”
    • Chris de Burgh, “More Than This”
    • Patsy Cline, “Triangle”
    • Leonard Cohen, “The Sisters of Mercy”
    • David Crosby, Jefferson Airplane, “Triad”
    • Devo, “Happy Guy”
    • Melissa Ethridge, “Unusual Kiss”
    • Gaia’s Consort, “Move to the Country”
    • P.J. Harvey, “Oh My Lover”
    • Veda Hille, “Three”
    • Jane’s Addiction, “Three Days”
    • Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, “The French Song”
    • Olivia Newton John, “Culture Shock”
    • Howard Jones, “No One is to Blame”
    • King Crimson, “Man With an Open Heart”
    • Lamyas, “Empires”
    • Christine Lavin, “Don’t Ever Call Your Sweetheart By His Name” ma
    • Lovin Spoonful, “Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind”
    • Deidre McCalla, “Don’t Doubt It”
    • Mary MacGregor, “Torn Between Two Lovers”
    • Joni Mitchell, “Cactus Tree”
    • Joni Mitchell, “Coyote”
    • Mondo Vita, “Four Way Stop”
    • The Monks, “Love in Stereo”
    • Morrissey, “My Love Life”
    • The Muppets, “We Got Us”
    • Michael Nesmith, “Different Drum”
    • New Order, “Bizarre Love Triangle”
    • The Police, “Tea in the Sahara”
    • Prince, Cyndi Lauper, “When U Were Mine”
    • John Prine, “Let’s Invite Them Over”
    • Restless Heart, “Why Does It Have to Be”
    • The Roches, “You’re the Two”
    • Betsy Rose, “Room for You”
    • Bessie and Clara Smith, “My Man Blues”
    • Scarlett, “Independent Love Song”
    • Sisters of Mercy, “More”
    • Jill Sobule, “I Kissed a Girl”
    • Type-O-Negative, “My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend”
    • Roger Whittaker, “Isabel and Caroline”
    • Breaking Benjamin, “Polyamorous”
    • Dave Matthews Band “Say Goodbye”
    • Power Tool: “Two Heads Are Better Than One” (On the Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure soundtrack.)
    • Crosby, Stills, and Nash “Love The One You’re With”
    • Must Be Tuesday – My Boyfriend’s Girlfriend Isn’t Me

    This is another wonderful example of how small the internet is making this world and how it allows us to connect with each other. My sister and I have met her once quite a few years ago and we have been thinking about her and wondering how she is doing, story
    but during the years since then we lost contact, discount
    due to moving, marriage, college, military, and so on. =( Today she popped up with a friend request on Facebook! =) Yea!

    She lives about 2 hours away from us, but hopefully, we can get a chance to meet and catch-up again. Yea Internet!

    *waves*

    Category: Family, Life  Tags:  Leave a Comment

    Review “Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality” – A+++

    California’s Appellate Court granted a stay on Judge Vaughn’s ruling pending appeal. This was, patient in my opinion, to be expected since this is such a high profile case and precedent setting case,  so nothing drastic there. However, there is some good news as far as this process is concerned as is covered here BREAKING: 9th Circuit STAYS Judge Walker’s ruling; Appeal scheduled December 6 on Prop 8 Trial Tracker:

    • the appellate court is expediting the the appeal of the ruling of the unconstitutionality of Prop 8 and set the date for the week of 6 December, which is awesome. The sooner the, hopefully, better.
    • they are also specifically asking the Prop8’ers: In addition to any issues appellants wish to raise on appeal, appellants are directed to include in their opening brief a discussion of why this appeal should not be dismissed for lack of Article III standing. which is huge. Judge Vaughn said that they do not have standing for a stay or appeal, if I remember correctly, and the appellate court obviously pretty much agrees with them, but are giving them a chance to sound at least a little rational and try to retain some self respect.

    In the scheme of things this is pretty huge. The appeal process could end up being pretty short (comparatively speaking) since they do not have standing for appeal, so this may most likely get dismissed with prejudice. This will be a massively huge win and precedent for gay rights all throughout the US if this does happen, since there will be a court ruling stating that banning gay marriage is unconstitutional and they have no standing. Of course, once that happens the appellate court’s decision will be appealed and, hopefully, a similar thing will happen in the Supreme Court.

    Cross your fingers everyone. History and justice is happening. =)
    I recently finished the book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. It is an excellent and life altering book. It really ties together a lot of what I have read about evolutionary psychology and evolutionary biology. If you have not read this book, ask or even if you have never read an evolutionary psychology book at all, pharmacy read it. It may change the way that you see the world, and I mean that in a good way. It covers topics such as monogamy, swinging, infidelity, and polyamory in it.  It truly covers the wide spectrum of human sexuality. Wow is all I can say.

    If you do not know what polyamory is I have written a primer on polyamory for those who are curious.

    9th Circuit STAYS Judge Walker’s Ruling Pending an Expedited Appeal

    California’s Appellate Court granted a stay on Judge Vaughn’s ruling pending appeal. This was, visit this in my opinion, to be expected since this is such a high profile case and precedent setting case,  so nothing drastic there. However, there is some good news as far as this process is concerned as is covered here BREAKING: 9th Circuit STAYS Judge Walker’s ruling; Appeal scheduled December 6 on Prop 8 Trial Tracker:

    • the appellate court is expediting the the appeal of the ruling of the unconstitutionality of Prop 8 and set the date for the week of 6 December, which is awesome. The sooner the, hopefully, better.
    • they are also specifically asking the Prop8’ers: In addition to any issues appellants wish to raise on appeal, appellants are directed to include in their opening brief a discussion of why this appeal should not be dismissed for lack of Article III standing. which is huge. Judge Vaughn said that they do not have standing for a stay or appeal, if I remember correctly, and the appellate court obviously pretty much agrees with them, but are giving them a chance to sound at least a little rational and try to retain some self respect.

    In the scheme of things this is pretty huge. The appeal process could end up being pretty short (comparatively speaking) since they do not have standing for appeal, so this may most likely get dismissed with prejudice, which would prevent a Supreme Court Appeal. This will be a massively huge win and precedent for gay rights all throughout the US if this does happen, since there will be a court ruling stating that banning gay marriage is unconstitutional and they have no standing.

    If  the Supreme Court does not dismiss out of hand due to lack of standing, which would rock, then the appellate court’s decision will be appealed to the Supreme Court.

    Cross your fingers everyone. History and justice is happening. =)

    “Social Organization Among Apes” from the book “Sex at Dawn”

    I am currently reading the new book ” Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality” which is a book on Evolutionary Psychology, search which for me, more info is a really fascinating topic. I think I have the table copied over correctly. It is a great book so far.

    This table occurs in Chapter 3 and I found it really, really interesting and I thought I would share it with you. I found it especially interesting since chips and bonobos are our closest genetic relatives, differing by about 1.6%. It is amazing how diverse the primates’ mating patterns are.

    Table 1:  Social Organization Among Apes

    Bonobo

    Egalitarian and peaceful, bonobo communities are maintained primarily through social bonding between females, although females bond with males as well. Male status derives from the mother. Bonds between son and mother are lifelong. Multimale-multifemale mating.

    Chimpanzee

    The bonds between males are strongest and lead to constantly shifting male coalitions.  Females move through overlapping ranges within territory patrolled by males, but don’t form strong bonds with other females or any particular male. Multimale-multifemale mating

    Gibbon

    Gibbons establish nuclear family units; each couple maintains a territory from which other pairs are excluded. Mating is monogamous. mating.

    Gorilla

    Generally, a single dominant male (the so-called ·Silverback”) occupies a range for his family unit composed of several females and young. Adolescent males are forced out of the group as they reach sexual maturity. Strongest social bonds are between the male and adult females. Polygynous mating.

    Human

    By far the most diverse social species among the primates, there is plentiful evidence of all types of socio-sexual bonding, cooperation, and competition among contemporary humans. Multimale-multifemale

    Orangutan

    Orangutans are solitary and show little bonding of any kind. Male orangutans do not tolerate each other’s presence. An adult male  establishes a large territory where several females live. Each has her own range. Mating is dispersed, infrequent and often violent.

    Transcripts and Evidence from the Proposition 8 Trial available online

    Transcripts and Evidence from the Proposition 8 Trial available online now! Yea!

    If you have not taken a look at some of this please do.

    Excerpt from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s letter from Birmingham Jail that is quite pertinent to todays gay-rights movement

    In light of the ignorance spewed here by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s  niece, opisthorchiasis Alveda King, web below, approved I feel compelled to publish the following excerpt while Dr. King rolls in is own grave in embarrassment and furious anger.

    Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s letter from Birmingham Jail (more info at Wikipedia) that is quite pertinent to todays gay-rights movement:

    We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was “well timed” in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word “Wait!” It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This “Wait” has almost always meant “Never.” We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that “justice too long delayed is justice denied.”

    We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we still creep at horse and buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, “Wait.” But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six year old daughter why she can’t go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: “Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?”; when you take a cross county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading “white” and “colored”; when your first name becomes “nigger,” your middle name becomes “boy” (however old you are) and your last name becomes “John,” and your wife and mother are never given the respected title “Mrs.”; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of “nobodiness”–then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience. You express a great deal of anxiety over our willingness to break laws. This is certainly a legitimate concern. Since we so diligently urge people to obey the Supreme Court’s decision of 1954 outlawing segregation in the public schools, at first glance it may seem rather paradoxical for us consciously to break laws. One may well ask: “How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?” The answer lies in the fact that there are two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the first to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that “an unjust law is no law at all.”

    New Examiner Article – “California’s Proposition 8 is found unconstitutional by Judge Vaughn Walker.”

    I just posted a more in-depth article on the Prop 8 findings for the Milwaukee Examiner-  California’s Proposition 8 is found unconstitutional by Judge Vaughn Walker.

    California’s Proposition 8 Ruled Unconstitutional by Judge Walker

    Holy thank God! =)

    As I fully expected, traumatologist and if you followed the transcripts you will know what I mean, troche  California’s proposition 8 was ruled unconstitutional via Prop 8 Trial Tracker (full decision)! Judge Vaugh Walker dropped the big metal hammer of constitutional justice upon this sordid issue. Happy Days!

    Now the long process of appeals begins for the Prop8’ers.