Archive for » December 28th, 2007 «

Ebon Solace

Writhing world and the darkness slakes
Companions of pain and doubt constant
Stabbing pains of twisted loves

Resolve that is firm, more about yet doubting my rhyme
Tears fall amidst the fear and loss
Ephemeral life and relative reality

Restless nights full of thoughts and premonitions
A life in tatters and yet is whole
The questions pose themselves unavailed in the night

The answers are there but they are not.
Maybe my pain speaks the answer
Maybe the voices speak true

Answers are mine and mine alone to choose
Darkness envelops and I must choose

Shall I regret the right
Shall I regret choosing

Am I right
Am I wrong

How do I know
How do I choose

In the darkness of the moment these are my solace
These are my companions
Solitary in the darkness I shall choose, and yet I am not alone

James O’Neill, September 13, 2006

Losing You

Having lost your heart and kind eyes has ripped the joy from my life.
I miss your thoughts, apoplectic your looks, malady and your voice.
I miss the illusion of friendship that your presence bore.
Friends, check I thought we were until your eyes cast me aside.
Cast my heart from the warmth of your smile like it was never there.

Pain is now what resides in my heart.
Pain because I have lost you.
Despair and shadows now fill my days.
My broken heart threatens to choke me because I have lost you.

The Angels of Kindness and Compassion walk with me and help to console me.
Their kindness and tender hearts ease my days.
Their soft touch and soothing words help me to forget, at least for a small time.
They help to keep back the tears, and shadows of despair.
Their presence helps to ease the pain, but there is only so much that can be
done for my broken heart.

A broken heart is not easily healed. A heart once broke may never be fully healed.
Not like new. Not without the scars of the pain felt. Not without the scars of unkind words.
Not without the past being ever present in the pain and memories of what was had, and lost.
If words of redemption and sorrow were offered the scars would still remain.

This loss is threatening to consume me and devour me whole.
It is hard to think, to live, to find any joy in the company of friends and family.
They offer the heart felt words of support and love, but they do not help to ease my pain.
The things that brought me joy before do not bring me happiness now.
I have lost you, the joy in my life. I have lost you.
Both of you brought joy and sunlight into my life.
Gave me hope and happiness. Gave me kind words and bright smiles.
Gave me warm thoughts and a warm touch.

Cold is all that I feel now. Cold is all that I feel from you.
Cold because my heart is no longer warmed by your smile and thoughts.
Cold because your words and touch are no longer warm.
Cold because I walk in the darkness and shadows of my memories.
The shadows of the happiness that I had with you.
I walk through the darkness of my days, and the shadows haunt me and taunt me.

Haunt me with the past. Haunt me with the memories of what we were.
Taunted by the kind words that were said.
I remember them well, but now the warm words leave behind coldness and tears.
These memories leave me with anger and frustration, tears and pain.

I am haunted by my loss and wondering why.
Why do I feel this way? Why do I deserve this?
What have I done that is so horrible that I deserve to walk with this darkness and pain?
Why is it that I the joy in my life has cast me aside to need me no longer?
Why is it that I still need them? Why is it that I am feeling the pain?
Why is that I mean so little to you. Why is it that you do not see my tears and my pain.
Why is it that my tears and pain do not matter? Why is it that you do not care?
Why is it? I do not understand. I do not understand.

James O’Neill, September 2, 2003

The One That Got Away

My heart swells with the happiness and joy of having known you
Longing now fills the void in my heart where you stood for a ten-day
You are 5000 miles away and I feel very inch
Wanting you to want to be with me is the bitter-sweet thought that rocks me to sleep
I know you feel that it cannot work; you feel that we do not have a chance
There is much I would give to have a chance at loving you
In our short time together I have felt a lifetime if closeness to you
Knowing I have to let go of you tears me up and fills me with a great sorrow
The sorrow of not knowing what could have happened; of letting go of the world of happiness
and Joy that I see in you

Sometimes I ask myself Why I came up to you on that bright day summer day; to let your bright smile and
laugh into my heart. To invite the sorrow I feel now for having to let you go

Knowing you gives me the hope that there might be another out there; another that is strong, resuscitation forthright, generic
beautiful, and as wonderful as you. This hope keeps me from feeling the despair of thinking that you might
be the one that got away; the perfect one that got away.

James O’Neill, March 11, 2003

So Far Away

So far away
An ocean apart
I have missed you so much
I can feel it in my heart

Your soft touch and
smile so bright
Leave me happy memories that
keep me warm at night

You have made me feel so special, hygiene
so happy, gynecologist and right
I wish you were here right now
so I could hold you close and kiss you good night

So far a way
An ocean apart
Miles away
Yet so close at heart

I look forward to when I may see you again
So this angel that haunts me dreams
may tell me her heart

I wish to hear your voice and
to know that you are near
so we can share out thoughts,
feelings, and fears

So far away
An ocean apart
I have missed you so much
I can feel it in my heart

James O’Neill, Fall 1993

A Christmas Gift

This was written in 4 parts. Each two lines was written to a specific person and written in a card for them, what is ed and each was meant to fit into this specific little Christmas Poem. I was in the military and at sea when I wrote this, perhaps during my cruise to the Mediterranean in 1995, somewhere around there.

To my close friends and family on this holiday season
Warm tidings I send to thee

Upon this Christams season I think of you often
Reminiscing of our times together both happy and sad

Remembering the warmth of your words and embrace and
never wavering in support

Remembering the gifts traded of both heart and wrapping
but your loving presence is by far the best

Longing and treasuring the closeness that time and
distance may bring

Wishing at every moment I could be with you this holiday
To share in the revel found only in the tidings of St. Nick

Being so far away and unable to give to thee the gifts I wish
I send thee a present of heart and soul, of love and friendship in the prose contained herein.

James O’Neill, Winter 1995

"These"

To write “these” all I have to do is think of you and the emotions attempt to pour out my pencil and on to the page
It is too bad for my pencil is not the best interpreter
My pencil can express only minimally what my emotions tell it
To find out truly what emotions told my pencil and how pencil interpreted it and produced “These”

You must skip the pencil and paper and talk to my emotions directly
For only then will you understand how I created “These”

James O’Neill, discount December 1993

Missing You

As gentle as the morning sun
I remember your touch
You laughter and beauty haunt my dreams
In the morning I sigh, medstore as I think of you
My days are filled with dreams of you and our so brief moments together

Before I lay myself to sleep and as I wake to the morning
I am welcomed to a new day with your beauty as only a picture may capture
A week or more I spent in blue as my inner self was remembering you
Remembering you, unknowingly as I mechanically trudge through “this”
With all of this said remember I am thinking of only you

James O’Neill, January 2, 2003

You and I

As the suspense builds, visit web I grow impatient
I wait to see you after out last parting so long ago
I wait so long, viagra buy to finally get you here with me, bronchi alone
With no worries or concerns, just what to do next
Just You and I

In the time that we were together, we found something special and new
Something exciting and special
We found a little more of each other
In those quiet moments or amidst the laughter
we have grown closer, you and I

And in the moments of our leaving
With the flowers and the beauty of your face still fresh in my mind,
I long for the togetherness a weekend of reverie has brought

James O’Neill, Summer 1994

Always and Forever

Trees pollinate and the animals mate
The young grow and flourish as the sun beams down
The sick and weak wane as the leaves fall
The feeble are no more as whiteness sets upon the land
This is the cycle of life and death as mother nature has ordained
This will be always

The stars, cheapest planets and galaxies have been forever
My love spans an even greater continuum
Through time and space

Always and Forever

Since first we met – I loved you
The more we did as one the stronger my love grew
Til now, prosthetic as the last weekend spent
I love you

Always ands Forever

As people come and go
As trees sprout a new and the leaves fall
As people live their lives and continue on to the netherworld
My love continues on

In life and death
As time passes on
As distances wax and wane
Our love grew infinitely stronger as we grew finitely closer
As the rest of the world continues on we continue to love each other

Always and Forever

James O’Neill, 1992

That Thing Most Precious

On a night most filled with doubt and confusion, viagra fear and longing
I prayed to the lord
I prayed while I lay awake in bed
A bed not mine, obesity but of the place that takes me away from you
Eyes closed, I prayed
While I prayed I envisioned a lighted portal above me, the mild fog and mist issuing from it was pierced by the wisdom of the Lord

I begged answer to my question
“Lord, there is something so precious that I wish to keep. Something so near and dear to my heart. I must know, If I am to keep this thing most precious, can I stay here where I am so far apart from it or must I go to it.”

The next morning a person came forth and said
“I have a message for you. The Lord came to me last night while I stood watch most vigilant; He said ‘I have a message for him: Tell him he must got to this thing so precious;'”
I blinked and then he was gone
So, I think to myself ‘could this message be coincidence or has the Lord answered my query’

And so I sit here now writing of the possibility, unknowing if the Lord has truly sent his word
I sit here writing with out you, This Thing Most Precious

James O’Neill, Summer 1992

My Poems

General Biography

James E. O'Neill IV

James E. O'Neill IV

I am married to THE beautiful Belarussian and we happily live in a small house in Wisconsin Dells, nurse Wi. I am a Unitarian Universalist Centrist, ascariasis and I attend the Free Congregation of Sauk County.

I support the issues of Separation of Church and State, Gay and Poly Rights, the International Fixed Calender, 24 Hour Clock, and the Metric System, Esperanto, as well as Globalization. Yes, I know… keep laughing. =) =P

Education and Training

I have graduated with honors from the Herzing College of Technology with a B.S. in Computer Information Systems and an A.S. in Computer Networking Technologies, as well as being a Certified Usability Analyst from Human Factors International.

I am working as web standards based developer dealing with such issues as Sematics, Separation of Layers, Validation and Validation. I am involved with Accessibility and Usability in addition to Web Standards.

I am a licensed Real Estate Agent in the state of Wisconsin and I work for the First Weber Group in the Wisconsin Dells.

Right after high school I enlisted in the Navy for 6 years and was stationed on the U.S.S. Enterprise as a Reactor Operator/Electronics Technician during the tail end of Desert Storm.

Travel

I have traveled around the world a little bit, both while in and out of the military, to the following countries: Spain, Italy, Israel, Greece, France, United Arab Emirates, Philippines, St. Martin N.A., Russia, Belarus, Czech Republic, Mexico, Canada, and Germany.

The most beautiful place that I have been is the Prague, Czech Republic – their buildings are exquisite. I hope to visit China, Japan, and Ireland some day. My wife and I both wan to visit Paris together.

I have take trips with friends and family to places around the United States like: Santa Barbara, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Grand Canayon, Niagara Falls, Hoover Dam, Bad Lands National Park, the Statue of Liberty, Saguaro National Park, Yellow Stone National Park, Disney Wold, Disney Land, Hershey Pennsylvania, and more.

Personal Profiles

Preferences

Hobbies

Computers, Web Development, Role Playing Games, Martial Arts, Traveling, and Micornationalism

Music

Primarily pop, rock, and 80’s Hair Metal.

Examples: Def Leppard, AC/DC, Poison, Kenny G, Jeff Healy, Pat Benetar, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Aerosmith, Creed, Evanescence, Nickleback, Guns and Roses, Metallica, Madonna, Pearl Jam, Queen, Scorpians, White Snake, Third Eye Blind, Goo Goo Dolls

Movies

Primarily Science Fiction and Action/Adventure

Examples: Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, 5th Element, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Brotherhood of the Wolf, Matrix, Star Wars (IV, V, VI), Event Horizon, Wimbledon, Lord of the Rings, Clash of the Titans, Unbreakable, Spiderwick Chronicles, Ironman, Spiderman, Harry Potter

Television

The Shield, Friends, Sci Fi Channel, South Park, Heroes, Scrubs, Chuck, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Eli Stone

Books

Pleasure Reading

Primarily Science Fiction and Fantasy

Examples: Robots Trilogy (Issac Asimov), The Dark Elf Series (R.A. Salvatore), Star Wars Novels (Timothy Zahn), Sword Dancer Trilogy (Jennifer Robberson), Lord of the Rings (JRR Tolkien), Dungeons and Dragons as well as other RPG books

More Serious Books

I read books on real estate, investment, business manangment, religion, and civil rights.

These poems, look if you would be so kind to call them that, ask
have been written usually while being depressed or hurting emotionally. To this day there is only one poem that I have written with a positive emotion behind it. Unfortunately, sickness
it seems to be that only negative emotions seem drive my somewhat limited creative poetic juices. There is but one more poem which has been lost and can never be recovered. Take that for good or ill as you may. =)

Enjoy them if you can. If not, well, I am sure that you are not the only one. =)

Trip to Cancun (Day 5 of 9; Wednesday)

Crabhouse Restaurant

Crabhouse Restaurant

Today we finally had the chance to go snorkeling. This was the one tour that we had the money to do. We, order on purpose, did not bring a lot of money on this trip. Hopefully, if we are able to come again, we will bring more money as there are so many, many other things we would like to do while we are here.

We had to be at the Crab House which was about a 10 minute bus ride from our hotel to meet the tour peeps that would be taking us to the snorkeling point. We woke up at about 06:00 (6:00am) to get showered, eat breakfast at the buffet, and get there. This is way too early to get up on a vacation. 09:00 (9:00am)is good for me. Uggghhh!

Snorkeling

Who is this snorkeling?

Who is this snorkeling?

We finished getting ready by collecting the disposable underwater camera that we bought in the US and our swimming suits, then we were off to the Crab House. We arrived about 07:35 (7:35am) which was well before the meeting time. We waited and got a little antsy at about 07:50 (7:30am) and and asked someone near by if they knew anything about this and they did not. Right about then this empty tour bus arrived and it looked suspiciously like it could be ours. We asked the man and ‘woo hoo’ this was it. We got on the bus and waited for what was to be about 13 other people that were to join us. By about 08:10 (8:10am) everyone was on board and we were off to snorkeling. I think just about every person on the bus was American.

The bus ride to the Punta Maroma area, which was near Playa del Carmen, if I remember correctly, and took about 45 minutes to get there. This was a long bus ride. The seats were comfortable enough and so was the company, but we were antsy and wanting to get the fun started. Both of us were really looking forward to swimming in the sea and seeing all sorts of aquatic critters up close, and a bus ride was not our idea of relaxing or seeing the aquatic critters. Enough of the whining already. =)

Eventually we got there and they got us all together and had us sign the waivers and pay the ‘Reef Tax‘ which was about $2 a person. Then we had to wait by a beach side restaurant for 15 really long minutes before they were ready for us, at which time they went over all of the safety and other required verbiage. Finally, the 20 or so or us made our way onto the uneven pier and to the neat looking trimaran which is a sail boat with three protruding outrigger hulls.

Our trip would take us to two 40 minute snorkeling stops along what I think is the Belize Barrier Reef around Punta Maroma. We all loaded up into the trimaran and were given our mask/snorkel, flippers, and life vest and were told to sit down and enjoy the ride. Tanya and I laid down and stretched out to get ourselves some sun. This part was nothing overly special for me as I was on a carrier in the Navy and saw plenty of open blue water. Tanya enjoyed the view a lot.

A school of white bodied and yellow tailed fish at the Belize Barrier Reef near Punta Maroma, Mexico.

A school of white bodied and yellow tailed fish at the Belize Barrier Reef near Punta Maroma, Mexico.

We stopped for our first snorkeling point and we all jumped into the water (or climbed down the and ladder) and began to look at the wondrous underwater world full of fish, corral and other beautiful things. It was so very beautiful and serene. Breathing out of the snorkel and not breathing in water took some practice to get used to it.

Small school of yellowish fish at the Belize Barrier Reef near Punta Maroma, Mexico.

Small school of yellowish fish at the Belize Barrier Reef near Punta Maroma, Mexico.

I have never seen so many fish like this. With the fins you could swim fast and you would like to reach out and touch them, but they can sense your bioelectric field or a change in water pressure as you approach and they move just out of your reach. It was a lot of tiring fun.

By the end of the first dive Tanya had used up pretty much all of the film in the camera we brought. We were tired from all of the swimming, but you do not really notice it until you have a chance to rest because you are caught up in the moment: the water, the mask, the fish, and not wanting to miss anything. We went to the second snorkeling point, and swam, and looked. It was a very good work out and by the end of the second one I was done for the day. =) Snorkeling is a lot of fun and breathtaking in more ways than one.

The Post-Snorkeling Night

After we finished we were whipped and were very quiet on the ride back. They were so kind as to have small van/bus thingy take us straight to our hotel. Yea! We dragged out feet into the entrance. I almost tripped on one the steps as we went in to the hotel. Once we get upstairs to our room we took a shower.

Market 28

As if tiring ourselves out from snorkeling was not enough we decided to head out to down town Cancun to Market 28 to check out what they have and to see what the bartering is like. Why is it called Market 28? I am not sure. I assume that is has to do with the street or neighbor hood name or address or something.

In Belarus, when Tanya was young, her and her brother sold things at a market there and they bartered, but what they did there was quite a bit different than what is done here. In Belarus they give their price and you can go down a little bit from there, and I mean a little bit. Here You can almost cut the price in half and possibly still have room to work with. Tanya was frustrated and did not like it so much because it was very different from what she was used to – a whole different frame of mind that is hard for her to wrap her beautiful little mind around. We spent a little time just getting a taste for it and then we went home. We were both tired and a little cranky from all of the swimming, walking, heat, and bus rides.

Tai Restaurant in the Oasis Palm Beach"
Tai Restaurant

We made our reservation early in the morning and were quite ready to eat by this time. We were quite hungry especially from our busy day swimming and walking.

Mexican Party Band

They had a Mexican cover/party band that sang all sort of songs American and Mexican and was hoping to get people out there to dance, and some did. We did for a little bit, but in our tired state it was not for too long. Tanya met a Belarussian couple there who is there in Cancun for their sixth trip. They talked for a little bit. The band was alright they sang well, but there was nothing really special or that stood out with them. They were also, unfortunately, plagued with some technical difficulties with which they were annoyed with, but they eventually got that settled.

Gargling Contest

In the middle of the band’s break the hotel entertainment crew started a small contest. They picked 4 girls out from the crowd to perform a gargling contest. They specifically picked my wife and introduced her as the reigning champion, seeming as she won the last contest they had – the little dance contest, as well as 3 other girls. All 4 had to gargle Tequila to the lyrics of ‘La Cucaracha’. Tanya one this as well. She was really the only one where you could really tell the song. Have I mentioned that my wife rocks? If I haven’t – She does.